Back in the days of yore, when I was but a lad...
Ok! This is a true story, believe it or not. And uh...I have been known to lie...just not this time!
I must have been about 10 years old at this time. I would stay with my grandmother during the summer. Me and my sister, who was about 7. Now my grandmother, Betty, lived with her mom, whom we shall dub Granny. Granny was stricken with alzheimers and in her 80s. That being said, I shall relate to you a tale of deceit, seduction and adventure.
It was on a saturday. I remember it well because Saturday Nightmares were supposed to feature on USA that night. All of us watched it, except for Granny. She was off in her own little world. We had grocery shopping to do, and we wanted to get it all done before 8pm. So we set off. Now, a little background, the house was heated by a coal burning stove, which was located in the living room, right next to Granny's chair. Yes, we left Granny alone to go grocery shopping. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, we came back and the house was getting cold. Granny was just sitting in her chair, doing her own thing. Betty goes to light a fire and discovers something is off. Well, many somethings. While we were away, Granny had taken many, many, many household items and stuffed them into the stove.
Now, it wasn't the fact that she had done it, it was how the whole thing played out. Betty noticed what she had done right away and began pulling things out, one by one, holding them up in the air, like Link from Legend of Zelda, and announced what they were, growing more and more aggravated with each item. A comforter came out, towels, wash rags, items from the closet. She pulled out silverware, yes one by one, her arm covered to the elbow with soot by this point, and announced what each one of them were. Now, like I said, the funny part was how it all played out. I laughed hard with each presentation, and harder yet with the proceeding one. With the silverware, my stomach was doing spasms from all the laughing. My sister would look to me, back at the tv, then to me again as I was nearly rolling. The last bit was what done it. That day's newspaper, unread, torn apart in shreds. My stomach heaved and I puked all over the couch I was sitting on. Oh my god, Betty was pissed.
I have never laughed that hard in my entire life. I doubt I ever will again. I am laughing now as I write this. I truly hope this is my last thought before I leave this earth, because if it is, I will really go out with a smile on my face!
I must have been about 10 years old at this time. I would stay with my grandmother during the summer. Me and my sister, who was about 7. Now my grandmother, Betty, lived with her mom, whom we shall dub Granny. Granny was stricken with alzheimers and in her 80s. That being said, I shall relate to you a tale of deceit, seduction and adventure.
It was on a saturday. I remember it well because Saturday Nightmares were supposed to feature on USA that night. All of us watched it, except for Granny. She was off in her own little world. We had grocery shopping to do, and we wanted to get it all done before 8pm. So we set off. Now, a little background, the house was heated by a coal burning stove, which was located in the living room, right next to Granny's chair. Yes, we left Granny alone to go grocery shopping. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, we came back and the house was getting cold. Granny was just sitting in her chair, doing her own thing. Betty goes to light a fire and discovers something is off. Well, many somethings. While we were away, Granny had taken many, many, many household items and stuffed them into the stove.
Now, it wasn't the fact that she had done it, it was how the whole thing played out. Betty noticed what she had done right away and began pulling things out, one by one, holding them up in the air, like Link from Legend of Zelda, and announced what they were, growing more and more aggravated with each item. A comforter came out, towels, wash rags, items from the closet. She pulled out silverware, yes one by one, her arm covered to the elbow with soot by this point, and announced what each one of them were. Now, like I said, the funny part was how it all played out. I laughed hard with each presentation, and harder yet with the proceeding one. With the silverware, my stomach was doing spasms from all the laughing. My sister would look to me, back at the tv, then to me again as I was nearly rolling. The last bit was what done it. That day's newspaper, unread, torn apart in shreds. My stomach heaved and I puked all over the couch I was sitting on. Oh my god, Betty was pissed.
I have never laughed that hard in my entire life. I doubt I ever will again. I am laughing now as I write this. I truly hope this is my last thought before I leave this earth, because if it is, I will really go out with a smile on my face!
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