is it bad that i never really went through any sort of mourning

after my mothers passing? she passed away in march! and it was the same way with my dad back in 2007.
i used to cry in thoughts of losing my mom when she got older and was goin downhill. i did several times always thinking she was the only one i have left to go to for comfort even if it was just thought knowing i could go see her. but once she passed it was like nothing.
i don't know if its just cause i have known to much loss in my life in every turn. i don't mean loss as in death i just mean loss in general and even the not KNOWING what being close to anyone was like as a loss that way as well. i know its something deeper than just one of the ways someone mourns. i just feel a lot of times i feel so much and care so much but yet i have also this detachment thing going on and i have looked at this for awhile now but no answers yet as i haven't been truely searching it out cause its more of fleeting thought it comes and leaves my thoughts til next time it pops up again even tho i really wanna know why???!!!!!!!! what about me is this coming from. i think i know what about but even then i couldn't even begin to say.
i firmly believe it starts with the first few years of my life which i don't remember much just a couple vague memories that seems to be right on after all. but one of abuse and neglect. i feel that holds the key key to everything i feel inside. and hard to really put it together without actual memories and how it efffected me but gotta be how i felt that i react toward certain things and feel about certain things.
this not mourning the loss of my my mom isn't a suprise just knowing how i felt and how i was my entire life

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indyjoe · 56-60, M

I don't cry over someone's death, I never have. I feel the loss just as much as everyone else and I am truly hurt and saddened, but I've just never been openly emotional about it. I don't know why, that's just how it is and always has been. Now when my dad's parents passed away, I felt nothing at all myself other than sympathy for other family members. The reason for that is that my relationship with them was severely strained, almost non existent. I guess what I'm saying is that people mourn in different ways there are no set rules to it. I don't think what you are saying is strange at all...I may be facing the same things with my own parents soon (I don't know how it will affect me as I don't have the best relationship with them either).

Riverman · 56-60, M

@indyjoe I think I was like that too. When my mother was murdered I didn't even shed a tear. Then about 5 years later it hit my like a truck. I cried for a whole day. I have been told that I had just bottled it up. Its not really a healthy thing to do. Perhaps you are just not letting yourself feel it? I dunno, I just know my personal case.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@Riverman I do feel it I just don't naturally express it but thanks for your input.

Starrysky

I grew up with my grandma
There was such Family fighting between my mom dad and grandma
I never had a chance to bond with my birth mother as a baby and child.

I never knew my mother until I grew up still I never knew her because she withheld truths about herself from me.
So in many ways she remained a stranger to me until her death in January 2012.
I felt sad when she passed but I didn't cry.
I didn't attend her funeral.

I don't feel guilty because my family including her and my paternal grandma were fighting like the Hatfield and Mc Coys

They. NEVER considered the victims of this warfare were my siblings and myself

Spinner · 61-69, M

I went through similar when my father died.

Fernie · F

I was relieved when mine died

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