I Am Done With Life It's Just Not Done With Me Yet

Sometimes I just want to pick my things up and walk out. But I know I wouldn't survive. I'd most probably end up dead if not worse. I'm so done. I'm a woman child that is highly controlled. I have severe anxiety and depression, and years of trauma that kept piling up to finally become complex ptsd. On top of all of that I'm incapable of most things that are second nature for most people. Mostly I just feel like stabbing myself. When I don't, I just want to up and leave. But I can't. There is no life for the homeless where I'm at. I'm better off dead. My mental health put my career to waste. I graduated from uni but I crashed after after extremely unfortunate circumstances and couldn't get up. I still cannot breathe properly. When I walk my blood pressure drops. Maybe for a few hours once every couple months or so I feel strong and normal. In those few hours I feel invincible. Like I can achieve whatever I want. That I can continue my career. But that's over soon and I'm always hyperventilating. I wish I could just up and leave. But mental illnesses just stick to you like super glue. Pffttt.