I Like Writing Stories
This is a story which I'm currently working on and I'd like feedback on it. It's written through the eyes of a 7 seven year old and is supposed to sound like it's a child writing telling his mom something. So if it doesn't sound coherent that's why. It was also a challenge writing it that way since I had to keep on reminding myself that it's supposed to be a child talking. But his thoughts and the writing of this book will progress as I write more of this and as the child gets older and his thoughts get more complex.
I was in the car with my mom on our way to a birthday at my classmate’s house. The moment felt peaceful. The sun was shining and the sky was pastel blue, it looked like something out of a painting. I sat there and listened while my mom played the song “Aint No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye on the radio. After we arrived at her house I felt a small warm breeze blow against my arm as I stepped out of the car. “Maybe I should’ve brought my jacket with me” I thought. “Oh well” I then reached my arms back inside the vehicle and grabbed the present which was sitting on the seat. I carried it to the table where the other presents were at and placed it on top of it. I looked around to see if I could find my friend then I spotted her jumping on the jump house her parents had rented for her birthday. I walked over to the jump house then took my shoes off and climbed onto it. I hopped over to my friend and wished her a happy birthday then I began jumping around the whole jump house. After I got tired, I got off the jump house and put my shoes back on then walked over to the punch bowl and got myself a cup of punch. I stood there drinking it while observing what was happening around me. Some of the children were jumping on the jump house while some of the other children were fishing for goldfish using small green plastic nets in a small plastic swimming pool with embroidered cartoon fish on the outside of it. I felt relaxed as I heard carnival music playing on large speakers in the background. My friend’s mom walked up to me and told me to tell her daughter that it was time to open up presents. I walked over to the jump house and shouted to my friend that it was time to open up presents. She yelled back “okay” to me then she jumped off the jump house and put her shoes on then then walked over to the table where the presents were at and sat at a large green plastic chair her mom placed for her to sit on while she opened up her presents. She smiled as her mom handed her presents for her to open after opening up her first few she got to mine which was a purple jacket she smiled then said that she already had the same jacket but she thanked me for another one anyways I felt a little bit embarrassed when I found out she already had one but I quickly shrugged it off. After she opened up her presents her mom brought out her cake with 8 candles on it. We sang happy birthday to her then she blew out her candles. I then felt a few water droplets hit my hands then I looked up as it began to rain. The clouds got darker and it started raining harder and harder her mom told us to go inside and that we’d continue the party inside. After we all got inside her mom sat the birthday cake down on the counter then cut the cake into pieces and handed them to us while she cut more pieces. She then put the movie Spiderman into the dvd player and we all sat down next to the Tv while we ate our cake. Not too long afterwards, my mom picked me up and told me that it was time to go home. I was upset since I wanted to stay longer and watch the movie but I just went with her anyways. I held her hand as I walked with her outside to the car and opened up the door and stepped inside. It felt good inside of the car especially because of how warm I felt since she had the heater despite not having a jacket on. As we drove home I looked out the window and stared at the scenery as we passed by different locations. After we got home I ran inside and ran to my room where I took off my shoes and began playing with my toys. After that I went to my mom and asked her to warm up some hot chocolate for me. She did and it felt good to be drinking a warm beverage on a muddy day like this. I then felt sleepy so I went to my room and went to bed.
I was in the car with my mom on our way to a birthday at my classmate’s house. The moment felt peaceful. The sun was shining and the sky was pastel blue, it looked like something out of a painting. I sat there and listened while my mom played the song “Aint No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye on the radio. After we arrived at her house I felt a small warm breeze blow against my arm as I stepped out of the car. “Maybe I should’ve brought my jacket with me” I thought. “Oh well” I then reached my arms back inside the vehicle and grabbed the present which was sitting on the seat. I carried it to the table where the other presents were at and placed it on top of it. I looked around to see if I could find my friend then I spotted her jumping on the jump house her parents had rented for her birthday. I walked over to the jump house then took my shoes off and climbed onto it. I hopped over to my friend and wished her a happy birthday then I began jumping around the whole jump house. After I got tired, I got off the jump house and put my shoes back on then walked over to the punch bowl and got myself a cup of punch. I stood there drinking it while observing what was happening around me. Some of the children were jumping on the jump house while some of the other children were fishing for goldfish using small green plastic nets in a small plastic swimming pool with embroidered cartoon fish on the outside of it. I felt relaxed as I heard carnival music playing on large speakers in the background. My friend’s mom walked up to me and told me to tell her daughter that it was time to open up presents. I walked over to the jump house and shouted to my friend that it was time to open up presents. She yelled back “okay” to me then she jumped off the jump house and put her shoes on then then walked over to the table where the presents were at and sat at a large green plastic chair her mom placed for her to sit on while she opened up her presents. She smiled as her mom handed her presents for her to open after opening up her first few she got to mine which was a purple jacket she smiled then said that she already had the same jacket but she thanked me for another one anyways I felt a little bit embarrassed when I found out she already had one but I quickly shrugged it off. After she opened up her presents her mom brought out her cake with 8 candles on it. We sang happy birthday to her then she blew out her candles. I then felt a few water droplets hit my hands then I looked up as it began to rain. The clouds got darker and it started raining harder and harder her mom told us to go inside and that we’d continue the party inside. After we all got inside her mom sat the birthday cake down on the counter then cut the cake into pieces and handed them to us while she cut more pieces. She then put the movie Spiderman into the dvd player and we all sat down next to the Tv while we ate our cake. Not too long afterwards, my mom picked me up and told me that it was time to go home. I was upset since I wanted to stay longer and watch the movie but I just went with her anyways. I held her hand as I walked with her outside to the car and opened up the door and stepped inside. It felt good inside of the car especially because of how warm I felt since she had the heater despite not having a jacket on. As we drove home I looked out the window and stared at the scenery as we passed by different locations. After we got home I ran inside and ran to my room where I took off my shoes and began playing with my toys. After that I went to my mom and asked her to warm up some hot chocolate for me. She did and it felt good to be drinking a warm beverage on a muddy day like this. I then felt sleepy so I went to my room and went to bed.
26-30, M
