I Am Trying to Find Myself

I've been meditating for a few months now and I've been trying to rewire my thoughts using the law of attraction. I wanted to write a short story of my journey and how my mind set went from negative to positive. This is how I saw myself when I first started on this journey. I was hoping to finish it but as of right now I don't really see a need to. I may finish it once I get my thoughts together again but for now it kind of doesn't serve me. I'm posting it because maybe I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this and I hope it helps anyone who has experienced this. I'm not really sure what to call this but for now I think I'll call it "The Path of Rediscovery". If anyone wants to reach out and talk about this or anything else, feel free to do so. I find I'm much happier when I interact with others.

I stand in front of a mirror and I look myself in the eyes. It’s been a long time. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I see familiar eyes but I don’t know who they belong to. A long time ago, these hazel eyes were bright with optimism. They belonged to a young man who was always looking towards the future. He was excited at the possibilities that were waiting for him. He always had fun ideas and was always thinking about all the amazing things that would come into his life. He never worried about the past and he never doubted himself and all the great things he could accomplish. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that young man. A young man who believed he was invincible.
That light is gone now. The eyes are dead. They belong to a man I never knew existed until recently. They say the eyes are a window to the soul. It’s true. People were always asking me why I look so sad. They could see that something was wrong. I never noticed. I don’t know why but I just didn’t. I was blind to it, until now. I see, clearly, the kind of man these eyes belong to.
He is a broken man. He no longer feels anything. Emotions have left his heart. He doesn’t know what makes him happy. He can’t even remember the last time he had a happy experience. He doesn’t feel love. He remembers being in love but he can’t remember what it felt like. He can’t remember the last time he received it. He doesn’t feel joy, excitement, abundance or any positive emotion. He doesn’t know what caused him to be this way. He doesn’t know what sent him down this path or how long he has walked it. He is a broken man.
He is stuck in the past. He thinks about all the mistakes he’s made. All the regrets. All the missed opportunities and the what if’s. He analyzes every little detail and tries to figure out why his life hasn’t gone the way he had always dreamed it would. His dreams have not come true. His fears have. He has no direction, no security, no relief. Even his soulmate has left him. He struggles to look towards the future and all the amazing things it once held for him. How could he? He hasn’t felt anything close to amazing in such a long time.