I’ve never been great at spotting fake intentions

Sometimes it surprises me how long it takes me to work things out. I’m too trusting and honest I’m not great at spotting a facade.

I have a friend who I’ve known since we were about 15. We dated briefly in high school but life moved on from then. We used to chat about everything and even backpacked Europe together. His now wife never liked me at first, back when we were younger, I put it down to insecurity at the time. I made an effort to get to know her and I thought we moved past it.

Fast forward to when I had my daughter. She sent a gift and blanket she’d crocheted. She invited us to their wedding. It was small only two other friends there. Slowly she took over all communication with me. Any social events were organised through her.

Then it was her turn to announce her pregnancy and we met at a cafe for lunch and I gave her a baby gift. Somehow it came up she had her baby shower the weekend before. I briefly thought it was weird she didn’t invite me but I kind of moved on from it. The baby arrived I sent flowers, they shared pics and then Covid hit.

It’s been a draining 12 months for people so I’m not that offended if I don’t hear from friends regularly. But a few weeks ago it was my birthday and she sent a text so I thanked her and asked how they were. Her reply kind of stunned me, another baby had arrived a month ago. It was kind of a weird way to find out. I should mention they don’t use any social media.

But I guess now that I’ve processed it all maybe we weren’t friends. Seems like she tolerated me and did the done thing and obviously has my birthday in her diary so she can be seen to manage it all. Guess she is still the same controlling/insecure person.

I just think why bother. Life moves on and it’s okay to lose touch. This is kind of like a weird halfway point now, am I supposed to offer to see the baby? Send a gift? 🙄

I just can’t be bothered with fakery. I’m okay with being disliked

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

Sounds horrible. I also wonder though, if they're very cut-off as they don't use social media, with all of this Covid situation, maybe they have been genuinely overwhelmed and too anxious to really reach-out when physically socialising isn't possible? I'd be hurt too, but give them the benefit of the doubt and see how things stand after Covid. I think the truth of a lot of relationships is becoming clearer due to this.

Notladylike

@PhilDeep It’s possible. But even people who don’t use social media tend to send text announcements at the very least when baby arrives.
Also the Covid stuff, we had one snap lockdown and last year was stressful but we’ve had no community transmission for over six months now and life is pretty much as normal. We are pretty lucky

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

@Notladylike I don't know the details but from what you're saying, maybe she used it as an excuse to push you further or keep you distant 😔