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I’ve never been great at spotting fake intentions

Sometimes it surprises me how long it takes me to work things out. I’m too trusting and honest I’m not great at spotting a facade.

I have a friend who I’ve known since we were about 15. We dated briefly in high school but life moved on from then. We used to chat about everything and even backpacked Europe together. His now wife never liked me at first, back when we were younger, I put it down to insecurity at the time. I made an effort to get to know her and I thought we moved past it.

Fast forward to when I had my daughter. She sent a gift and blanket she’d crocheted. She invited us to their wedding. It was small only two other friends there. Slowly she took over all communication with me. Any social events were organised through her.

Then it was her turn to announce her pregnancy and we met at a cafe for lunch and I gave her a baby gift. Somehow it came up she had her baby shower the weekend before. I briefly thought it was weird she didn’t invite me but I kind of moved on from it. The baby arrived I sent flowers, they shared pics and then Covid hit.

It’s been a draining 12 months for people so I’m not that offended if I don’t hear from friends regularly. But a few weeks ago it was my birthday and she sent a text so I thanked her and asked how they were. Her reply kind of stunned me, another baby had arrived a month ago. It was kind of a weird way to find out. I should mention they don’t use any social media.

But I guess now that I’ve processed it all maybe we weren’t friends. Seems like she tolerated me and did the done thing and obviously has my birthday in her diary so she can be seen to manage it all. Guess she is still the same controlling/insecure person.

I just think why bother. Life moves on and it’s okay to lose touch. This is kind of like a weird halfway point now, am I supposed to offer to see the baby? Send a gift? 🙄

I just can’t be bothered with fakery. I’m okay with being disliked
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CheshireCatalyst · 36-40, M
Wow from an outside perspective that's so fascinating. She played the long game with her insecurity so professionally 😮

Shitty on a personal level though. I don't use social media for baby stuff either, only the people I care about know we have a toddler.
@CheshireCatalyst She sure did play the long game. My friend was considering breaking up with her for years then suddenly out of apathy maybe he just submitted to it all.

I completely understand not doing baby announcements on social media. But surely a group text or something? Telling someone a month after is just weird
CheshireCatalyst · 36-40, M
@Notladylike maybe he still feels that way but now that she's the one communicating with you he doesn't feel as able to tell you. It's the long game from both sides, he sees her talking with you and he's lost his confidante.

You not knowing about a child for that long does feel like it's been deliberately hidden.