My father is 88 yo, almost incontinent and can barely walk so is almost housebound. He told me today he no longer wants to live. Any advice?
61-69, M
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Carla1951 · 70-79, F
My guess is that you or someone in your house hold has taken him to the Doctor to confirm.
Once there consult your doctor not only of his incontinence but also his pending depretion.
This is likely something you too may face. I don't know if incontinence is anything most elders face, however you can ask.
I do know they have Adult Pull-ups that may help him.
Consider perhaps he's 'bored' Take him on a drive. Even some normal shoping.Set him in a Wheel chair And walk through WallMart. Buy him a shirt. One that 'snaps' not buttons.
I am facing those years myself. Forgetting too may things I shouldn't. Hiding items from others because I don't want them stolen. Treat him as YOU would want to be treated IFing you were in his situation. Your Dad doesn't want to be a burden, and still he fears no longer having your respect.
Collect memories for a later time. Write them down.
Build the dream you as well will need to fall back on.Know your own children will be in this same situation. So the time to plan YOUR own future is NOW.
I myself LOVE Museums. Your Dad may just want to get out of the house. Make a list for him to consider. Often High Schools hold mini Concerts. And take him to a local High School Football game. Ask him what he did when he was your age.
A picnic in a near by park. If only to listen for the voices of his grandchildren. Too soon he will be gone. And the memories will too. Visit a museum. The ideas are countless. He wants YOU his son, to spend time with him.
Once there consult your doctor not only of his incontinence but also his pending depretion.
This is likely something you too may face. I don't know if incontinence is anything most elders face, however you can ask.
I do know they have Adult Pull-ups that may help him.
Consider perhaps he's 'bored' Take him on a drive. Even some normal shoping.Set him in a Wheel chair And walk through WallMart. Buy him a shirt. One that 'snaps' not buttons.
I am facing those years myself. Forgetting too may things I shouldn't. Hiding items from others because I don't want them stolen. Treat him as YOU would want to be treated IFing you were in his situation. Your Dad doesn't want to be a burden, and still he fears no longer having your respect.
Collect memories for a later time. Write them down.
Build the dream you as well will need to fall back on.Know your own children will be in this same situation. So the time to plan YOUR own future is NOW.
I myself LOVE Museums. Your Dad may just want to get out of the house. Make a list for him to consider. Often High Schools hold mini Concerts. And take him to a local High School Football game. Ask him what he did when he was your age.
A picnic in a near by park. If only to listen for the voices of his grandchildren. Too soon he will be gone. And the memories will too. Visit a museum. The ideas are countless. He wants YOU his son, to spend time with him.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
About your Father, you urgently need to contact his doctor and inform him of his possible suicidal intent.
Spend more time with him. Suggest of your doctor to prescribe an anti-depressant or at the very least, ask his doctor advice.
Also are you spending enough Quality time with him yourself.
Your Dad may also feel he's a burden to you. Does he have a wheel Chair? Walks in the sunshine and fresh air helps wonders. Take him to a park. Listen for the birds that fly over head. Create a picnic lunch. Drive over to the park and watch and listen to the children as they play.
Ask him questions of his life as a child. Try to get him to recall situations he had to deal with when he was young.
THIS will allow his brain to open up and reveal hidden passages. Get him to talk about mischief he did with his brothers or friends.
THEN...remind him that Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is waiting to Shimmer and Shine.
Just hope you don't think my words too HOOKEY!
If he was a man of Faith, remind him. Have him describe how he first felt when he met your Mom. Push Push on that brain. Present thoughts you want him to recall. Ask him what was a favorite pastime when he was young. Ask the worst thing he did to disappoint HIS Father. *simply keep his mind working. And if he can't recal, you might then add a memory of the two of you when the two of you did together when YOU were younger. Then gift him with a new memory. Let him know of a time when YOU were feeling down, and He was there to embrace your sadness.
Spend more time with him. Suggest of your doctor to prescribe an anti-depressant or at the very least, ask his doctor advice.
Also are you spending enough Quality time with him yourself.
Your Dad may also feel he's a burden to you. Does he have a wheel Chair? Walks in the sunshine and fresh air helps wonders. Take him to a park. Listen for the birds that fly over head. Create a picnic lunch. Drive over to the park and watch and listen to the children as they play.
Ask him questions of his life as a child. Try to get him to recall situations he had to deal with when he was young.
THIS will allow his brain to open up and reveal hidden passages. Get him to talk about mischief he did with his brothers or friends.
THEN...remind him that Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is waiting to Shimmer and Shine.
Just hope you don't think my words too HOOKEY!
If he was a man of Faith, remind him. Have him describe how he first felt when he met your Mom. Push Push on that brain. Present thoughts you want him to recall. Ask him what was a favorite pastime when he was young. Ask the worst thing he did to disappoint HIS Father. *simply keep his mind working. And if he can't recal, you might then add a memory of the two of you when the two of you did together when YOU were younger. Then gift him with a new memory. Let him know of a time when YOU were feeling down, and He was there to embrace your sadness.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
I would right away make an appointment with his Doctor.
I cannot advise what the Doctor can tell you or offer your father. However there are resources. Perhaps considering a nursing facility for him. Fact is he needs 24 hour care. Medicare covers the cost of most centers. You might just take a lone visit to a facility near you. Mr. Average, Your Father fears being a burden to you and your family. He is well aware of the burdens he has placed on you. I am not suggesting an anti depressant; That would be for his doctor to say.
Just know that even if he accepts to go into a nursing facility, It's not permanent! However, an afternoon visit might be what he needs, at least for now. The activities they have can be amazing.
Often Schools will come to a nursing facility to Sing songs or even present few stages of a PLAY. A nursing facility is NEVER permanent. I would often take my mother out with a wheel chair and we'd go to a close department store.
Just know they are NOT locked in! They can still go home. Attend their Church, Just be sure to let the facility know you are taking your family member for a days outing.
I cannot advise what the Doctor can tell you or offer your father. However there are resources. Perhaps considering a nursing facility for him. Fact is he needs 24 hour care. Medicare covers the cost of most centers. You might just take a lone visit to a facility near you. Mr. Average, Your Father fears being a burden to you and your family. He is well aware of the burdens he has placed on you. I am not suggesting an anti depressant; That would be for his doctor to say.
Just know that even if he accepts to go into a nursing facility, It's not permanent! However, an afternoon visit might be what he needs, at least for now. The activities they have can be amazing.
Often Schools will come to a nursing facility to Sing songs or even present few stages of a PLAY. A nursing facility is NEVER permanent. I would often take my mother out with a wheel chair and we'd go to a close department store.
Just know they are NOT locked in! They can still go home. Attend their Church, Just be sure to let the facility know you are taking your family member for a days outing.
MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M
@Carla1951 hi thanks for taking the time to reply. My father has carers calling in to dress him in the morning and make sure he has dinner in the evening. He has regular doctors appointments but flatly refused to even go to a day care centre to have some company.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
Your first stop is his doctor. He NEEDS a caregiver to be there for him most if not ALL times.
It's going to be too much for you to handle alone. Still I would take a pre known stop at a care facility with a prefis on informiming them you want to bring him by to have a look around. Perhaps stop by one yourself. As I said earlier, They often have activities for these seniors... AND YOU need a break. He might even make a Girl Friend.
You cannot do this alone. You need that occasional break to be with your family.
This is a fight. Don't let it be a battle! My heart is with you.
It's going to be too much for you to handle alone. Still I would take a pre known stop at a care facility with a prefis on informiming them you want to bring him by to have a look around. Perhaps stop by one yourself. As I said earlier, They often have activities for these seniors... AND YOU need a break. He might even make a Girl Friend.
You cannot do this alone. You need that occasional break to be with your family.
This is a fight. Don't let it be a battle! My heart is with you.
anoderod55 · 61-69, M
that is scary . my dad is 97 . he says different things like that too . best i can do is comfort him . he gets visits from us morning noon and night . he still lives at home . still pretty good at taking care of himself . i get him up in morning . help with breakfast , brother at noon for some sort of dinner . then me back in evening to fix supper . bath on Saturday . Mom was a cancer survivor . she just one day said she was tired . slowed to a stop on eating and taking meds. wishing and prayers for the best for you and your father .
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
Though it may well be difficult to face, you might consider a nursing facility. He could make new friends, maybe find a GIRL-FRIEND (someone to hold hands with)
Fact here, he feels he's a burden to you.
Check a few out. Know that even in a nursing facility doesn't mean he would be unable to return home on an occasional visit.
Check and see. His Medicare may even pay for this.
I would go and collect my Mom on occasion, And take her with Wheel Chair to a shopping center to 'Look around'
He needs more. More Attention, More people like himself so he doesn't feel he's alone in the world or a burden to his family.
Nursing homes have activities. Often buses of children come to these centers and sing to the recipients. Depends on the 'holiday'
Teens come from High-Schools and act out a PLAY. These Children are then taught Respect for their elders.
Fact here, he feels he's a burden to you.
Check a few out. Know that even in a nursing facility doesn't mean he would be unable to return home on an occasional visit.
Check and see. His Medicare may even pay for this.
I would go and collect my Mom on occasion, And take her with Wheel Chair to a shopping center to 'Look around'
He needs more. More Attention, More people like himself so he doesn't feel he's alone in the world or a burden to his family.
Nursing homes have activities. Often buses of children come to these centers and sing to the recipients. Depends on the 'holiday'
Teens come from High-Schools and act out a PLAY. These Children are then taught Respect for their elders.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
Check with your primary care doctor! I don't know the rules in the UK but there may be something that can help the situation.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
You might attempt to contact his Doctor. He's the one to ask!
Sounds as if he needs an anti depressant. Do try and call his doctor and inform him this new mental update. In the mean time keep all medications hidden or out of his reach.
Sounds as if he needs an anti depressant. Do try and call his doctor and inform him this new mental update. In the mean time keep all medications hidden or out of his reach.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
I have to ask, Has your Father been to a Doctor recently? If not, it is passed time you take him to his doctor to evaluate his condition.
Carla1951 · 70-79, F
I have quietly informed my daughter that I hope to come live out my final days in her home. She has 4 very active sons.
AndreaMom · 41-45, F
So sorry. That’s never an easy thing to see happen to someone you love.
lorne13 · 61-69, M
Maybe ask if hes planning to do something about that
TexChik · F
He’s depressed ... bad things keep happening to him
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
I am so very sorry for that. :-(
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