I Don't Want To Remember
There's something that I want to move on from and forget, but it's really fudging difficult and I don't know why.
A few months ago, I used to walk into class, and I always felt so low that I couldn't feel anything at all. Numb and empty. I even took a few days off sometimes, faking being sick because I hated walking in and listening to laughter and chatter among my classmates, while I was disregarded. It was like a repeat of Year 6, but worse, because I thought I was done with that. I thought I was finally making some progress.
I didn't really care what most people thought about me, as long as I had just ONE good friend. But even that was temporarily taken, and along with my parents financially struggling (at the time, everything is OK now, except the fact I can't forget all this), etc, it did really mess with my mind a little.
In fact, I felt so bad, it actually felt like I was *physically* hurt. It was a weird feeling. Anyway, pretty much everyone was ignoring me, and I didn't know why. I still don't know why they did that. Even my one close friend was ignoring me, so I really felt like I was doing something wrong and stuff. Even now, a few months later, I'm not over it. I spend a lot of my time in the bathrooms because I want to minimize the amount of time I spend with people so I don't screw up. I have to hold my breath a lot because I always get nervous and I always get butterflies and nervous stomach aches for no reason. I get random aches in my chest and suffocating sensations and sometimes even the slightest hyperventilating because of anxiety.
And it's a pain in the butt, because it's all over now, I just can't get over it.
A few months ago, I used to walk into class, and I always felt so low that I couldn't feel anything at all. Numb and empty. I even took a few days off sometimes, faking being sick because I hated walking in and listening to laughter and chatter among my classmates, while I was disregarded. It was like a repeat of Year 6, but worse, because I thought I was done with that. I thought I was finally making some progress.
I didn't really care what most people thought about me, as long as I had just ONE good friend. But even that was temporarily taken, and along with my parents financially struggling (at the time, everything is OK now, except the fact I can't forget all this), etc, it did really mess with my mind a little.
In fact, I felt so bad, it actually felt like I was *physically* hurt. It was a weird feeling. Anyway, pretty much everyone was ignoring me, and I didn't know why. I still don't know why they did that. Even my one close friend was ignoring me, so I really felt like I was doing something wrong and stuff. Even now, a few months later, I'm not over it. I spend a lot of my time in the bathrooms because I want to minimize the amount of time I spend with people so I don't screw up. I have to hold my breath a lot because I always get nervous and I always get butterflies and nervous stomach aches for no reason. I get random aches in my chest and suffocating sensations and sometimes even the slightest hyperventilating because of anxiety.
And it's a pain in the butt, because it's all over now, I just can't get over it.
