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I Am Actively Trying to Heal

I have been on a journey to heal my life. I just turned 40 not too long ago and I am actually excited about it. Lots of changes have happened in my life recently and I was not scared but I seem to be stalled and questioning "whats next" for me in my life.

I know I want more and I acknowledge that I have been blessed in my life so I find myself at a crossroads. I want more fulfillment because my career, my family life, my love life, my health, etc... has all been so dissatisfying. I worry that I don't have the resources to go after my dream and I fear that if the longer I stay stuck in my current situation, I will never get out.

I have been reading a ton of books and documentaries about healing my life, spirituality and as a novice practicing Buddhist.... I kinda know what needs to be done but I refuse to do it. I refuse to do the work. Maybe cause I'm lazy (I've always been accused of that) or maybe its because I fear if I do the work and it doesn't work something then has to be wrong with me. I don't know.... so this is my first step to doing the work.

I've read Psycho-Cybernetics, The Silva Method and the Sedona Method along with EFT and many others.... I actually have the video/audio programs for many of the programs and I've listened, read and practiced lightly but never gave it 100% of my attention. I even have several of Louise Hay's books and so I feel I will start with her "You Can Heal Your Life" book and do the exercises this time and work my way thru the rest of the course I have, actually doing the exercises and meditating and seeing if that works.

I know from everything I've read and heard, seen and experienced- change must come from inside. I have been hoping for a light bulb aha moment from a book or movie that inspires me to change, transform overnight, no work required. Inwards manifests itself outward and so here I go... inward on my journey to self-discovery, peace, love, joy, compassion and abundance.

Today, I start :)
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walabby · M
Just keep chipping away at it. It's not a race... :)
aniave · 46-50, F
I feel like I am in a race for my life. haha
walabby · M
... to get all these things that you want to do, done, while you still can?
I can relate.. :/
aniave · 46-50, F
@walabby: Yes, Yes, yes, YES- you get it!
walabby · M
And what things are these? Travel? Business? Relationships?
aniave · 46-50, F
@walabby: For me, the "things" I want are happiness, joy, contentment, ease... My life is spent worrying about the next crisis cause there is always a next one. I can never relax. I've never felt safe to just be... Nothing has ever been stable, thread that runs through my childhood. I'm constantly putting out fires, always on red alert, that's no way to live. I've made pace with lack of relationships. I don't have many but the ones I do have are deep, strong and long-lasting. I cherish them deeply!!! I do want to travel. My goal is to actually move to Asia to teach English, probably join the Peace Corps. That's probably the only way I'm gonna be able to afford to relocate unless Drumpf does away with the program then I gotta find another way. There has to be more to life than the day-to-day, humdrum life I've lived for the past 20 years. Working or volunteering at an orphanage or animal preserve or school, seeing the world. I don't want wealth for yachts and sports cars (I do like shoes and dresses and a good meal haha) but wealth/prosperity/abundance for me is about choices and I feel out of choices- very stuck I guess is the best way to describe it. Like most Americans... I am one unexpected bill away from ruin so planning to relocate overseas seems like a pipe dream even though I would live pretty much like a local, getting there is a up hill battle though. LOL I haven't given up though but time is ticking... the older I get, the further away the possibility seems.
walabby · M
I know that feeling. There are things that I would like to do but can't because I have family responsibilities. My only advice is to take the bit between the teeth and just DO IT! :)