Narcissist
Why did my long-term friend leave once I set boundaries.He came back into my life and wanted wanted a relationship. He wanted me to chase him.The thing that broke up our friendship up yrs ago and now was his verbal abuse.
31-35, F
A few things:
1) Writing him off as a narcissist isn't going to help. Be careful with it.
2) Depending on how you asked those boundaries, he could've taken it as a form of rejection or breakup. It's probably one of the reasons he left.
3) Did you ever take his boundaries or needs into consideration. If you didn't, then that might be the reason he said no to your boundaries and simply left.
4) He might be aware of his verbal abuse and rather than continue to hurt you he opted to let you go. It's a sign of personal growth and so he wants to change.
5) He might have met someone else and opted to pursue that relationship instead.
In any case, you shouldn't focus to much on what he does. He sounds more like and ex boyfriend than anything else, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. You should be mentally moving forward from here.
1) Writing him off as a narcissist isn't going to help. Be careful with it.
2) Depending on how you asked those boundaries, he could've taken it as a form of rejection or breakup. It's probably one of the reasons he left.
3) Did you ever take his boundaries or needs into consideration. If you didn't, then that might be the reason he said no to your boundaries and simply left.
4) He might be aware of his verbal abuse and rather than continue to hurt you he opted to let you go. It's a sign of personal growth and so he wants to change.
5) He might have met someone else and opted to pursue that relationship instead.
In any case, you shouldn't focus to much on what he does. He sounds more like and ex boyfriend than anything else, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. You should be mentally moving forward from here.
Justcoolin · 31-35, F
@GohantheThird #2#4 hit home. I remember him saying I could have been softer with my with my tone. I was irritated because years ago I question if he ever cared and he came back into my life recently and I still questioned if he cared. I still love him and was frustrated. I just wanted him to man up and take charge.but he wanted me to chase him because when we first ended our friendship it was because of his abuse and neglect. And so I hopped into another relationship and he was mad at me for that. however when I stated my boundaries I never pushed him away I just said if he couldn't abide by those boundaries then he should just leave. He didn't have to leave. He cursed me out and renounced our entire friendship. He said he was never my friend or anything from the beginning.
hartfire · 61-69
@Justcoolin
Wanting a guy to "man up and take charge" sounds like a very old-fashioned expectation to me - what is expected by the patriarchy in fundamentalist Christian sects. It's an automatic set up for not respecting the woman's boundaries.
In a healthy relationship, the partners are equal. They discuss things, and where there are differences they find creative solutions that meet both partner's needs.
Abusive language is a sign that someone is angry, and in that moment feels no love, no kindness, no caring for the other. There is always a reason why someone feels angry.
Neglect is also a sign of not loving.
From the way you describe it, it sounds as though the relationship never had a sound foundation.
Far better to let go.
Try checking out the free online magazine Psychology Today.
It has answers to almost every aspect of emotions, behaviour and relationships - articles written by specialists in each topic.
Wanting a guy to "man up and take charge" sounds like a very old-fashioned expectation to me - what is expected by the patriarchy in fundamentalist Christian sects. It's an automatic set up for not respecting the woman's boundaries.
In a healthy relationship, the partners are equal. They discuss things, and where there are differences they find creative solutions that meet both partner's needs.
Abusive language is a sign that someone is angry, and in that moment feels no love, no kindness, no caring for the other. There is always a reason why someone feels angry.
Neglect is also a sign of not loving.
From the way you describe it, it sounds as though the relationship never had a sound foundation.
Far better to let go.
Try checking out the free online magazine Psychology Today.
It has answers to almost every aspect of emotions, behaviour and relationships - articles written by specialists in each topic.
GohantheThird · M
@Justcoolin I agree with @hartfire about some of the chasing bits. It would seem strange to end things for not respecting boundaries then expecting them to say "fuck your boundaries, I'm chasing you now."
Things should be equal, and talking about healthy boundaries is a good thing. It helps set a solid foundation for any kind of relationship, ya know?
Things should be equal, and talking about healthy boundaries is a good thing. It helps set a solid foundation for any kind of relationship, ya know?
DianaGyana · 31-35, F
the fact that you are questioning and doing research whether the stupid bloke is indeed a narc means you are on the right track.
Trigger warning - he is a boundary pusher...a major red flag... and he did not like you having healthy boundaries or self-respect.
He told you he never intended to be your friend...
The fucker used you.
Classic narc.
Move on.
Don't waste your tears or energy on him.
Trigger warning - he is a boundary pusher...a major red flag... and he did not like you having healthy boundaries or self-respect.
He told you he never intended to be your friend...
The fucker used you.
Classic narc.
Move on.
Don't waste your tears or energy on him.