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How do I get space from a clingy friend?

I have some stuff going on that I want to sort out in my life, but there's this online friend who always wants me to give them attention. One time I explained to them briefly what was going on in my life, and that I would like some space...then later that day he took an overdose on pills. Luckily, he went to a hospital and is fine.

He does this to people who become his friend and I just wish he knew that people don't always reply to messages within an instant. He sends me messages about people who don't reply to him within a few hours. I don't hate this guy or anything, but I have my own issues to deal with. I do make time for him...but there is only so much I can do when he rarely takes advice. I am there to listen, but sometimes I just need a day to myself.

As soon as he sees me online he sends me a message and I told him that I am signed in automatically (it's on a social program/app) and I don't like receiving messages as soon as I come online and he finds that amusing but continues the habit anyway.

I know I can just ignore it, but that one day I took some time for myself he ended up overdosing...so I really don't know what I can do. I have suggested to him to get psychological help but he doesn't want to.
Elegy · 46-50
You can't take responsibilities for his actions. He's being a parasite and you need to establish boundaries. Make it clear that you don't want him to go away but you do want more space and won't be as interactive going forward. Make sure that he understands that the alternative is to just block him out completely so that he can't take you hostage emotionally to advance his own agenda. You need time and space to deal with your life just as he is able to do for himself. If he can't handle that then ghost him, you gave him a chance. Sometimes you need to choose yourself.
SW-User
people who threaten with suicide if you don't give them attention
need help from professionals

never let anyone guilt trip you

they are sneaky manipulators
Throger · 26-30, M
Well as someone who can be clingy, reassurance is a good thing. Let then know you aren’t leaving you just need time alone and that maybe he should to to figure some stuff in their too. But getting psychological help is a great step but something you can’t force on them. Have they ever shared why they wish not to go?
MissMoon · 26-30, F
@Throger When we talk about psychological help this is normally how it goes, they tell me they don't have time...so I help them plan ways to make time (e.g. cutting out his online chatting time or missing a class) but then he changes the topic to say he is hopeless so I try to reassure him he is not and try to get him back to the topic..so then he suggests stuff like the costs or how he would rather help himself. His family are trying to encourage him to go to specialists, but he doesn't like it. It is really sad. :/

Thanks for your response, I will try telling him next time that I am not leaving for good but just need some time alone.
Throger · 26-30, M
@MissMoon of course! And my advice is strictly coming from me being clingy myself so it’s just that side of the story. My advice may be bad for your stand point so listen to some other people too! 😊
trackman11 · 61-69, M
Each person makes their own choices. The act of overdosing intentionally is serious and complicated. You will never be responsible for him making that choice. You are a good friend to care, but you have the right and responsibility to define that friendship without fear that you are opening the bottle of pills.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
If somebody I knew was threatening suicide on line to me I would have to block that person. As heartless as it is I am not trained for that behavior and I am here for entertainment. I have enough drama in my real life. Good luck with it all.
MissMoon · 26-30, F
@Keepitsimple Thank you :)
SW-User
Block block block
That person won't change
No matter how much time you give him it won't be enough
I went through this with a mad woman on EP, I tried to be patient with her and understanding in the end I could not take it any more, she sent me 3500 messages on Facebook
I've blocked her on this site as she started up with her messages and explanations again


If that person is suicidal it's not your problem
And not your fault
MissMoon · 26-30, F
@SW-User I am sorry you went through that :/ I don't like being spammed with messages either, it happens to me too.
SW-User
@MissMoon I honestly believe blocking in these cases is the only way, I have experience with similar situations with other people...they are never satisfied with the amount of time you give
Winterwanderer · 26-30, M
Sounds like they may have [b]Borderline Personality Disorder[/b], look it up, it's could actually be quite a dangerous thing for you to be involved in.

It may be beneficial for you to look into that online, it's not a common thing, it's difficult to deal with, & most of us on here don't have much authorIty to speak in it.
MissMoon · 26-30, F
@Winterwanderer I know what borderline personality disorder is but he is not diagnosed with it so I won't assume he has it. He has been diagnosed with ADHD though.
Winterwanderer · 26-30, M
You know better than me.
sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M
Simply put... he's manipulating you.

Do doubt what he claims, cut the umbilical now.
User41 · 36-40, M
Throger · 26-30, M
@User41 not really that funny...
User41 · 36-40, M
Well... it made me laugh.

An at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.
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