I Need To Vent And Rant Or I Am Going To Explode

I don’t know what to do when I realize that as a human I will be used and I will use others.
Making love to you is the most intoxicatingly wonderful feeling in the existence of my life, but having to let you go shows me my selfishness, my repressed controlling nature, and the attachment that surfaces in using somebody else for my happiness.
I scream from the deepest crevice of my soul, “Being human is a paradox that unless we mentally train ourselves to block off thoughts, sends us in agony.”
Why did he not text me?
He doesn’t love me?
Maybe he does love me but thinks that I don’t.
The questions are endless to the fact we will never know the hidden and secret thoughts of anyone around us.
I don’t want to be possessive or controlling but I am.
I want to be humble and not make how much I get paid a priority and to do things from the heart, but then I get annoyed at all demands or unsatisfied expectations.
“They just tell me what to do, but inwardly I’m telling them what to do as well, wishing I got it easier.”
While there are construction workers slaving away at a mere $20 an hour, who are the greatest artists in history yet go unrecognized and unappreciated.
And here I go complaining when things don’t go my way.
I realize my selfishness, my possessiveness, how do I escape being in this flesh?
To instead be like the leaf on the tree that even though it is alive never forces, molds, or hurts others to get their way.
As I write this I am beginning to feel better.
Like a bottle that needs to explode and spill its feelings out, that is what writing does for me.
Now I can breathe.
I can smile.
Because I let it out.
Now to be me, in a world where I am told who to be.

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

Generally speaking society miseducates women about men in the first place, Remember way back to the playground as kids? I don't know if it happened to you personally but it happens to a lot of girls, one kid pushes her into the sandbox (metaphorically speaking at least...) another like my sister tries to climb on the jungle gym and some boy shoves her off and she cries and then her teacher or her mother comes along and tells her that the boy did it because he liked her. This means women are taught by Society to think men who act like assholes are really secretly into them.

I'm not you, i'm not him. after awhile it became obvious I was different than other men so I can only speculate as to your chosens stance on this because I'm not going to pretend I'm the dog whisperer for men i'm just not.

But when I am into somebody for instance every incoming message every incoming call I'm hoping is them.

Every text message, it's the kind of thing that could lead me to being short with one of my comrades in politics because I don't want my phone going off by anyone else.

another thing about it Is I'll treat anyone i'm into like royalty.

I'm the furthest thing from an asshole to anyone i'm into and personally if a guy is being a dick and is over the age of 18 to a girl I'm just going to assume the obvious that he doesn't really want her.

Specialyouare · 31-35, F

You’re so right! I do remember that! They did always say that if a boy was mean to you he liked you because he had no better way to express the feeling he felt inside.

Society miseducates us about so many things. Think about who is celebrated in our society. Think about boxers who make 100 million of dollars for a fight yet construction workers, farmers, people who work to keep our waters drinkable, and those who deal with trash and clean to decrease trash in our environment are looked at as mediocre... and they are precisely the ones enabling comfort in our survival. But no, people would rather worship someone who plays pretend (an actor), who sings a song where they promote themselves and seek fame, who puts a ball in a basket or a goal... while the people making this world capable of being one we can survive in are completely overlooked. Granted I too worship actors, sports stars, singers, especially those we notice trying to ease the chaos in our minds. Yet the construction workers, farmers, and those who clean and pick up trash are in the highest of pedestals for me right now.

The brainwashing of society on our behalf has surprising effects on our psyche. From the careers we look into to how we want to look to be accepted. It is definitely mind boggling.

Thank you so much for your accurate input!

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

@Specialyouare i'm always trying to spread the point that america is not a meritocracy it's not even close to one. I feel like americans view meritocracy as utopic? I'm not sure myself we'd even want one, but I feel like for political purposes it's important to stress how distant america really is from it's ideal. You mention who sings a song and I think about it too but what I notice is that POP music gets millions of views while the real artist are unheard of.

The radio though dying is still somewhat relevant and they play what they want you to hear.

I feel like there's a lot of Starving Musicians who deserve recognition but just never get a spotlight shined on them:

case in point: Sarah Howell's.

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC29jfNE7PQ]

you mention the unfairness of how we treat the people providing our food but what about the TEACHERS? america pretends to value education yet everyone knows people don't become teachers for the money.

and even within music the Payola and bullshit has prevented a real meritocracy from emerging.

the BIG problem with meritocracy though is if we start moving in that direction there's going to be a discussion about who's really of merit an almost nobody is going to agree.

and BTW I do not engage in the celebrity worship.

i actually feel sorry for the famous at this point because they get no privacy. Everything they do is publicized and spewed on online forums everywhere and every asshole with an internet connection has an opinion about them.

I mean I have the artist and such that i'm a fan of but I wouldn't say I think of them as gods. I learned a long time ago that people are people and that applies even to those you admire: they will let you down too which is why it's dangerous to admire anyone too much.

two at this point of the people I admire the most have me blocked. because people are people and people largely fucking suck.

Notice how things like that Video though and this? [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-_BGjvTGdI]

are relatively unheard of. If you look closer into music I think you'll find that the Payola is keeping the real talent down.

But yeah I just wanted to stress people tend to fall off pedestals we place them on. It's not a comfortable place for anyone to be.