I Cant Stop Hurting Myself

Not physically. At least not anymore. But I always wanna put myself in danger. I always talk to people who I know will just hurt me. I always do dangerous things, especially if I could get hurt from it. I feel like I deserve to be hurt. And yet I don't want to hurt myself because I don't want to cause those who are about me pain. It's a constant battle. I try not to hurt myself but I want to so badly sometimes.