I Am In Recovery

This year has been full of up's and down's for me,specially last few weeks i was miserable and lost cuz of the things i went through,i didn't know we can feel this much pain and still survive,i was full of rage and self destructive urges,all i wanted to was to cry,scream and destroy everything arund me,it was too tough for me to control my self and not follow my destructive urges.I cried alone locked in my room every night,i pushed every friend of mine away and shared my pain with no one.I even stopped praying for a day (i am a practicing muslim i never skip my prayers)but i was not in my right sense and was too blind in my negative and hurtful emotions to do anything sane,ah.For a time,I couldn’t breathe.It was too hard.I felt that there wasn’t enough air.Space became suffocating,and the world became a dark room for me.It was the most devastating experience.Something had consumed my heart and mind.I no longer owned my heart and mind.I was a slave being pulled here and there through a dark tunnel.But day before yesterday i woke up and was preparing my self to cry,that's when i thought that why am i being so miserable why am i letting it take over me and destroy me,why am i suffering in silence,it's not my fault.The world is ugly doesnt mean i should let the ugliness rule over me.So i retreated,i accepted what happened to me.I prostrated to God and cried my heart out infront of Allah swt,i broke.Breaking,giving in and accepting is the key to bounce back up,talking to God,emptying my self and giving in made me breath again.I relaxed.And the air came and went easily,as it should.I think after we enter the darkness,we appreciate the light.We acknowledge it as no one else does.And we are more thankful.We are humbled,yet deep inside,our heart soars.Because the light brings so much peaceWe can never learn patience unless we beleive that God has a purpose for everything that happens in our life.We can't blame God for what bad happen to us,its humans that cause this not God.We should see everything good or bad we experience as a new existence,a new world in which we will be born and will die.Our problem is that we become enslaved to the moments that have passed, enslaved to memories tht have already passed away.But in reality,more than a thousand times a day,we are born.Yet many of us choose to just let ourselves die again and again, as each new moment fades.We forget that each birth is a new opportunity to start over,to turn around, or to keep going.To rise higher,to heal,to grow. To be different.Better.Each new moment calls for transformation, renewal,return.If i can get back up ,if i can be normal again so CAN YOU,so get up,keep fighting,accept your shortcomings,instead of focusing on people and things that break us focus on the healer,focus on God,when i was alone and there was no one to comfort me,i had God and that was enough for me,Allah swt is the best healer.Instead of blaming the circumstances,look deeper,there is meaning and lesson in everything that happen to us.Through breaks in our lives,We become more aware of our shortcomings that we are not able to see before.It requires a lot of strength and patience but with faith everything is possible,in my experience every breakdown,heart break i went through it rebulided my heart and character i became more empathic and compassionate towards others and more stronger,so alhadmulillah for everything. :) <3 Oh and thank you for all the people who were kind to me.JazakAllahukhayran Lea and Modi.May God bless you all.
Keep moving,keep fighting,remember that nothing remains forever,the pain you are going through now will pass soon.
"Verily with every hardship comes ease"-94:5

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