I swear the universe just wants to push me to breaking point and get rid of me.

I’m in a very constant battle with lots of situations in my life right now and I am struggling to get my life back before it’s over and I feel like I’m starting to lose the battle and just like nearly 95% of my life I never gave a flying shit wether I live or die and now I’m starting to lose that care completely and I feel the universe feels the same way about me too. Like right now I am riddled with stress and anxiety, fantasising about how nice would it be if I died in such a very brutal way and rid my anger once and for all is the only thing calming me down right now.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!