I Am An Empath

I am losing the battle for my mind, and I’m not sure how long i will keep fighting it, i am unbalanced, one of my shoulders is baron of life, while the other is a breeding ground for demons, and as their numbers grow so does the sound of their screams as they drowned out my thoughts, in this repetition of chaos the one constant is my empathy, on the road to hell i frequently and gladly step up to the chopping block in the place of others, over and over I make this choice consciously, or maybe not it may have become habit by now, I end up feeling your torment, your sorrow, your pain, regardless of choice, at least this way you won’t have to, and I do it with a smile on my face no less, I feel my bones snapping under the weight of emotions that are not my own, I am in charge of the lost in found here, the only difference things are rarely found, mainly they are lost, thrown out, discarded, tossed away perhaps even buried or burned, but no matter the circumstances they find their way to me, often times I feel as though I am a grave keeper returning the dead back to those who have tried so hard to let go, your burdening them the voices tell me cackling, a lot of the time I try desperately to lay to rest the ghosts of others pasts, but for each rain cloud that I help rid someone of another takes residence above me, the cracks of thunder from the hurricane that looms overhead are deafening to me, and the flashes of lighting blinding, but still I march, without ears or eyes, my only company the screaming devils, although my ear drums have burst long ago their messages still come through, I think it’s because they continue to burrow deeper into my head, their evil is matched only by their cunning, you are no empath they explain, you are simply lonely, and you attempt to mirror other people in hopes of connecting with them, even if it is just in passing. It is at these times I notice the suffering in front of me, the madness they create has somehow blocked the empathy, but not the sorrow I feel for the one who is suffering because I was doubting something that should be all to clear to me by now, but time and time again I find myself in that very trap, frequently I am in a race against time searching for the true holder of these burdens, attempting to pry open their closed off pathways, scale their impassable walls in hopes of beating the clock and ridding them of it before the noose tightens around their neck, my muscles stiffen from constant tension without release, wishing for the warm embrace of lost loved ones I will never meet, the anger towards those who have never harmed me, the fear of that which prior did not scare me, many of these feeling origination from people I will never know, many times I catch myself longing to follow someone I bump into along this path, but I have come to the conclusion when your forced to walk through hell it’s better to not take anyone along for the ride, although I am sure many would accompany me willingly, I can’t allow them to, for even though the road to hell reversed leads to heaven I seem to only be heading one way.