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This post is to clear things up and provide closure for myself. [I Lost Someone To Suicide]

Names need not be mentioned. If someone wants their name associated with this, they're free to step forth.

When I was a teenager I met a woman on EP. This woman became like a big sister to me and we started talking on other platforms. We talked for years and became very close.

Eventually, she revealed to me that she was going to commit suicide. She had a specific date in mind.

Finally, we had a falling out and she blocked all contact with me.

Distraught, I came here (EP had shut down) and made a post making some sort of enquiry about honoring her death. In the post, I mentioned that the date was years away; but I was upset and feared that she had already done it.

Two users chimed in and called me "fucked up" for assuming she committed suicide.

Seriously? This person whom I loved—who relieved my depression and acted like the big sister I greatly needed but never had—talked endlessly about suicide & misery and then disappeared. Do you think [b]maybe[/b] that put me in a bad spot, mentally? Do you think [b]maybe[/b] it scared and upset me? Can you really blame me for expecting the worst? I came to this community in a time of vulnerability and they attacked and demonized me and told me what I should think.

I admit my response wasn't ideal. I lashed out and insulted both of them. I even went on another post and mentioned their names in an insulting way; at which point, about 40 users all dogpiled me and attacked me without even knowing what happened.

This was a traumatic experience for me. I cannot think about this woman I loved without also thinking about the way I was treated like shit by this community. Her memory is tainted by her misery. Her planned suicide and these awful people who rubbed salt in the wound and then blamed me for lashing back in my time of need, tainted it even further.

Today, I don't know if she's dead or not. It's entirely possible that she decided to go through with her plan. It's also entirely possible that her life is better now and she changed her mind. I don't know. Either way, she's dead to me. Not in that I no longer love her or hope the best for her but in that she refuses to have any kind of contact with me and I have no way of knowing where she is or how she is. I'm completely in the dark. And I'm done with it. I had my limited-time opportunity to love her and I did love her. It's over.

No one on here is going to tell me what to think or how to feel. You can call me "fucked up" for my interpretation of all this but you don't know me. You don't know how my mind works or how I cope with things. I'm sorry I lashed back at those two users but I also forgive myself because I was in a broken down state and they antagonized me.

I'm also hoping to forgive them and their 40-or-so crusaders for treating me like shit in a situation where [big]I[/big] carried all the weight. I'm hoping to forgive them so that they no longer overshadow my memory of this poor lady, and so that I can [big]get them out of my FUCKING MIND.[/big]
DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F
If it makes you feel good to vent good. Otherwise you don’t have to explain anything to anyone. You clearly had good intentions and I’m sorry you are struggling with this
Wow...I don't see how it is at *all* "fucked up" for you to be so caring as to wonder what happened to/is happening with her.

It seems that you did EXACTLY what a caring, concerned, [i][u]REAL, true friend[/u][/i] would do in such circumstances. Why others would...so horribly rake *you* over the coals is quite beyond me.

It makes me wonder how they would react if you were to tell them the first part of the story, then end with, "To this day, I have no idea what happened to her, but she clearly didn't want me to be a part of whatever happened, so I just do not fuckin' care."

Would they applaud you for it? Give you shit for NOT caring?

How odd.

I think you were a GREAT friend.
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@SomeMichGuy Thanks... Also I wonder if I ended with that, would they suggest she committed suicide and see nothing wrong with it because it was THEIR idea?
@SinlessOnslaught Who knows? You put yourself out there and bared your soul to a group of hungry jackals, it seems.

I simply don't understand, but there are people here who are so into their own issues that they simply are unable to read a clear exposition (such as this, your current post) without turning it into things you didn't say.
gfantasy · 56-60, M
I don't understand why you asking about her was considered "fucked up"... Guess we know who the "fucked up" people really were...
@gfantasy Yes.
Oster1 · M
I’m so sorry you were/are haunted by this experience with your close friend. I understand entirely. You offered your experience as this site was meant for and in turn was denigrated for your feelings and fears. Of course it wasn’t right and I believe that karma will come back to haunt them in some way. I certainly don’t wish that on anyone but this is the price to be paid. I hope you have come to terms and forgave, for your own benefit, not necessarily theirs. 😊
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@Oster1 I've healed quite a bit. Thanks.
Nanori · F
You did nothing wrong there, if I met those ladies irl I'd give them a few cut on the face no jokes there and see how their crusaders would flee like the rats they are
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@Nanori "ladies"
Nanori · F
@SinlessOnslaught haha I thought I saw the word but that's the behavior I mostly see women start and men follow
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@Nanori Huh 🤔 Interesting point
redback · 51-55, M
Closure can be hard when the door is slammed shut in your face. Time heals wounds.
Faith13praise · 51-55, M
Totally get where you're coming from is empathy and love, good things. I'll pray
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
Wow. If I had named names, a bunch of people would be jumping in with their opinions because they get emotionally obligated with their "friends".
SW-User
I remember that drama lol. I remember one of the two women. She’s from Canada. 👀 But I can’t remember the other one.
all i know from have had online friends, is dont trust them. people arent who you assume or what they led on to be.
Bang5luts · M
Fuck them bro. This place, like this world often gives way to small minded individuals with a "Follow the pack" mentality. It is those types of people that make me question whether or not we did in fact come from monkeys.
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@Bang5luts Thank you for reading this.
Bang5luts · M
@SinlessOnslaught it wasn't a difficult read, just a long one. I could tell from the beginning there was meaning to it and worth to you.

 
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