If You Only Knew....
If you only knew what I truly have in mind, you arrogant little cocksucker. You can gently bring the topic up, insult me as a man, or try to probe me about my private life all you want. While I'm grateful you don't probe me nearly as much as Mom, your agenda is clear. All too clear. But if you only knew my true intentions.
If you only knew that I will never give you grandchildren. I never want to give you that satisfaction. I refuse to make you feel like an equal with your brothers because I don't want to go to prison when I remember how much I actually hate kids.
But it does go deeper than that. After years of longing for my individuality, fighting for that feeling, it'd be a major step back for me to fall in line "just" because you're now subtly challenging me. I've never survived because I did what you told me to do. In fact, I am who I am today in SPITE of you and Mom. It's my ultimate desire to put an END to this branch of the "family" tree and every time you show me your dissatisfaction, I will consider it a gift to myself.
It's been about 15 years since I last felt any kind of closeness with you. I, believe it or not, kind of hoped that dickhead's long deserved death would brings us at least a little closer, but of course that ship sailed. But truth be told, Dad, you are THE direct cause of everything that's happened to us, and all because of your ego and especially your selfishness. It's going to be my pleasure to end this "family" with me just so I can hurt you as much as you hurt all of us.
If you only knew that I will never give you grandchildren. I never want to give you that satisfaction. I refuse to make you feel like an equal with your brothers because I don't want to go to prison when I remember how much I actually hate kids.
But it does go deeper than that. After years of longing for my individuality, fighting for that feeling, it'd be a major step back for me to fall in line "just" because you're now subtly challenging me. I've never survived because I did what you told me to do. In fact, I am who I am today in SPITE of you and Mom. It's my ultimate desire to put an END to this branch of the "family" tree and every time you show me your dissatisfaction, I will consider it a gift to myself.
It's been about 15 years since I last felt any kind of closeness with you. I, believe it or not, kind of hoped that dickhead's long deserved death would brings us at least a little closer, but of course that ship sailed. But truth be told, Dad, you are THE direct cause of everything that's happened to us, and all because of your ego and especially your selfishness. It's going to be my pleasure to end this "family" with me just so I can hurt you as much as you hurt all of us.
