Favouring one sibling over the other and my resent towards my in laws

My partner and I are together for 3 years. We moving in together very soon but nobody in his family is really happy about it. There is no talk about it nd his mother told me straight up im not happy about it at all. At first i got hurt by it but now it makes me very mad because she was never really there for my partner. She never showed any love or affection when he was growing up nor support a thing that he did. All she ever did was put him down.

Now hes in a relationship nd hes happy and she still has a problem. My partner sister nd him live together and his sister always causes trouble for him. If he does one thing or say anything to her she will call her mother up to complain nd his mum will call him and tell him to leave her alone yet when she does anything his mother says nothing.

This saturday like every other saturday his sister comes to his room to clean. She bangs his room door open,throws everything of his cabinet and cleans making a huge fuss. His mum was there witnessed it and said nothing. Its like they intentionally torturing. By the way he cant lock his room door because his sister will make a fuss nd call the mother.

Do i really want to be in this family after dealing with my dysfunctional family😤I really somedays want to end it all

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Serenitree · F

Best bet would be to move a couple of hours away. And don't answer when they call. If he chooses to accept their calls, then he can deal with it. But you don't need to have anything to do with them until they send you a note welcoming you into the family. So.....probably never, unless you have a child. Grandparents are crazy that way. They can hate the mom and the dad, but they demand their right to know the baby. Just be sure they treat you both with respect before allowing it.

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Serenitree · F

@Clairessa09 If you look back at my first response, you will see, I said don't talk to them at all. If their son feels the need to do so, then that's his decision. Be supportive, If they upset or anger him, if he says nasty things about them, don't agree or disagree.

Either one will make him angry. If you agree that they are horrible, you're judging his family. If you disagree, you're judging him. You're best to just listen and make tea or coffee and offer it and sit with him while he complains. Say little. Just be with him. He really doesn't need your thoughts on the matter. He already knows how you feel, and what you think. What he needs from you is just someone he can vent to without it escalating into an argument. If it becomes a fight between you, they win. They've made you as miserable as they are.

Let him know you love him. Let him feel supported without him thinking you're taking sides. Of course you are. You're on his side, but you don't need to keep saying it. Just hug him. Sit with him. Hold his hand. Tell him you love him. Give him what his family never gave. Understanding and support, without pressure. If he knows that you will continue to love him even when he makes mistakes or bad decisions, he will be happy. If he's happy, he will make you happy. Then you win. His family hasn't ruined your love, and life.

Clairessa09 · 31-35

@Serenitree Thank u. I will do that

Serenitree · F

@Clairessa09 Good luck, young lady. Be happy in your love and life.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

My situation isn't that bad or abusive but reading your story touch a similar nerve in me. My parents always favored their other son younger son over me and still do. You see I am their only biological child...due to severe life threatening complications my mother could have no other children beyond me, which she always wanted a larger family. They adopted him a few years later (he was a premature baby born to a 14 year old). All well and good except that he became their "golden child" and I was kind of pushed to the side. Sure they provided me with a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat...but I pretty much raised myself to where I am now without much attention, guidance, and support. I am who I am today mainly because of ME. They always catered to him...supporting and encouraging him in most anything he wanted to do (whether he saw it through or not). Helping him out when ever he ran into problems, taking him with them and spending time with him ( went place too like on family vacations and things but he was the focus of attention). They were proud of most everything he did, and I could never seem to do or be good enough. When he did wrong we'd BOTH get punished (when I asked why once I was told "because you're older and knew better"...WHAT??), his punishment was often commuted or revoked while mine was not. When I got married my parent welcomed my wife with open arms...too much. They'd pay more attention to her and it was as if I wasn't even there, Their Daughter-in-law became the daughter they always wanted but never had. My wife noticed this (as well as their treatment of my "brother" over me) and she at first felt guilty about it but now she resents them because of their treatment of me. Anyway, I don't wish to take away from your story...I just wanted you to know that there is at least one person out here who really understands...and I do feel for you and your SO

Clairessa09 · 31-35

@indyjoe ur story is exactly like my bf. He also raised himself. Yet they want credit for sendn him to school feedn him etc. I cant stand them 😠 im sorry for what u went thru

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@Clairessa09 I don't have much of a relationship with my parents other son at all (and when they are gone I'm cutting him off completely...he's such an a-hole and neither I nor my wife can stand him). Our relationship with my parents Is very highly strained but they both are in poor health and I try to maintain a little bit of a relationship because I trying to take the high road. I too am sorry for what he and you are going through.

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Clairessa09 · 31-35

@SageAdvice 100% finallynnow after all the crap they have done he has had enough.

When his sister did that this weekend he confronted them and walked out that evening when he went home they didnt talk to him making it his fault. I really cant stand them😠 weird they like that because they supper wealthy fancy cars and pretty much got everything. And me and my bf here are battling each month yet we so happy.

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