I Need to Vent
I don't know what I get out of it, but I feel like I'm losing something every time I actively try to feel better instead of throwing every negative thought into my bad days.
Whenever I manage to stop the negative thoughts and do something else, it doesn't feel like a victory. It doesn't feel like I've taken a step forward after a thousand steps back.
It feels like a car being held back while its wheels keep spinning, ready to continue at the same speed as soon as it's free again.
And I keep feeding it, it's almost as if I [i]want[/i] to be depressed.
Hell, I'm feeding it right now just by writing this.
There's comfort in being sad, I suppose.
Whenever I manage to stop the negative thoughts and do something else, it doesn't feel like a victory. It doesn't feel like I've taken a step forward after a thousand steps back.
It feels like a car being held back while its wheels keep spinning, ready to continue at the same speed as soon as it's free again.
And I keep feeding it, it's almost as if I [i]want[/i] to be depressed.
Hell, I'm feeding it right now just by writing this.
There's comfort in being sad, I suppose.
22-25, F
