I Lost A Family Member

Iv had a pretty up and down this week and in the middle of this I lost my grandfather he 93. I've always had this he really didn't care all that much for me and I FEEL I tried to have a relationship with him after my grandmother past which she was the clue that held our family together I went by checked on him and tried to say I'm here for you it was cut short and just basically blew off. My father is gone and he and my father had a pretty hard relationship my while life but when my father was sick they mended fences and got close and I FEEL that he has taken out what ever if is on me. So I really am at a place I don't know what to feel or how to feel I'm list. All the people that were main stays in my life are gone I have an uncle that he and my grandfather basically kicked me out of the family that he and his son are the only true members of the family. I'm just lost and confussed and empty.