I Think More Parents Need to Tell Their Kids No

So my 14 year old daughter is shopping around for her first high school dance in a few weeks and she gives me a list of dresses that she'd like. I have to wonder if she was just hoping I wouldn't notice how inappropriate they were or if she figured if she gave me a lot of bad ones the one that was just barely against the rules would slide.

When I told her no to all of them she got a bit of a pout but went back to her room and did more looking then came out with this one

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She actually told me when I told her that was unacceptable that I was a mean mom and totally unfair because girls wear dresses like that every day around town. I told her she's not every girl and no 14 year old daughter of mine would dare wear something so reveling and short!

She did not like that and got an attitude and slammed her door. So rather than having an nice afternoon of mother/daughter shopping time looking for dresses she got her bottom spanked. Hopefully next time she'll pick out a more reasonable dress to wear.

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Pandabutter · 36-40, M

Way to go on parenting. If she doesn't like the dresses you think are appropriate she doesn't need to go to the dance.

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Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@imLobo We can't prevent it but we can certainly limit the chances they have of sneaking off and dressing inappropriatly

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Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@imLobo My oldest has done the trick of changing at a friends house too. Well if I was your sisters mom then she wouldn't be seeing those friends who egg her on. Those are not the kinds of friends my daughter would have. Parenting isn't a negotiation it's a power relationship where I'm in charge

Pandabutter · 36-40, M

@Kathryn05 I agree, parents need to be parents not friends, and as a parent the choice about what goes on.
@imLobo I never went to a dance in middle school or high school. So I wouldn't really know what went on. I would have loved to have went, but that was one of the many things outlawed when I was younger.

Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@Pandabutter Sorry to hear you never got to go to a dance. It's a major social milestone to do that on your own even if sometimes you need guidance on what to wear.

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Pandabutter · 36-40, M

@Kathryn05 It was fine it wasn't allowed when I was a kid. Dances were 'against the bible' So we weren't allowed to. My own parents would throw a hissy fit if they found out my daughter is in karate, which wasn't allowed either.

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NortiusMaximus · M

@imLobo As I said to my children, I'm not so old I've forgotten what it was like to be a teenager. Teens can have sex anytime night or day and regardless of how conservatively or otherwise they're dressed. Some parents just don't seem to understand that.

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SW-User

@imLobo Y'all got issues. A kid isn't going to "make up for lost time" just because you don't let them wear a dress. As long as you explain to them why and talk to them and compromise, it'll be fine. It's commonplace and won't hurt anyone.

Badseed · 61-69, M

@Kathryn05 Your comment reminds me of a woman I once corresponded with who went to high school in the early 1960's. Her family was religious and conservative, with strong views on maidenly modesty. But she found ways to sneak around her parents' dress code by changing at school and then changing back again before returning home.