I Always Have Something On My Mind
October 11th is coming up fast.
Last year on this date I arrived to work and my phone rang. It was my sister. She asked me if my husband was close by. I told her he was outside watering the flowers. She told me to get him. I called for him to come and I we sat in my office and I put the phone on speaker.
"Okay sis, he's here. What's up?''
Then she asked us to hold hands. I remember rolling my eyes because my sister could be so dramatic, but we did it.
Then she told me my Mom died.
I don't remember the sound that came out of me, just that it came from such a deep place. I cried and argued.... my Mom can't be dead! She's too young! Not even ill.
But she had back surgery, fought infections, and was in the worse pain I've ever seen her in.
My Mom prayed for death, it was that bad.
She had the surgery in August 2016 and my sister and I were with her for all the struggling. Even going so far as calling up the surgeon and cussing him out for not managing her pain better!
She had to be reopened twice because of infection.
My brother came down, thankfully before she died. My Mom and sister didn't want him wasting his money. They were convinced she would be fine. I scolded my Mom and sister and told them IF he wants to make the trip, you let him!!!
I'm so glad I did that.
It was probably one of the rare times I'd done something right.
I remember the drive to the hospital. We parked and Rod said I was whispering ''I'm at the zoo... I'm at the zoo....'' I sort of remember that. I don't think I could have walked forward otherwise.
I wasn't prepared for my Mom to be gone yet. She was 75 and looked like she was in her 50s. We tend to look a little young in my family....we age well I guess. My Mom was funny and smart and I love her so much.
I feel like I was a lousy daughter. I thought I had time to improve.
I hate that I never improve until it's too late. :'(
Last year on this date I arrived to work and my phone rang. It was my sister. She asked me if my husband was close by. I told her he was outside watering the flowers. She told me to get him. I called for him to come and I we sat in my office and I put the phone on speaker.
"Okay sis, he's here. What's up?''
Then she asked us to hold hands. I remember rolling my eyes because my sister could be so dramatic, but we did it.
Then she told me my Mom died.
I don't remember the sound that came out of me, just that it came from such a deep place. I cried and argued.... my Mom can't be dead! She's too young! Not even ill.
But she had back surgery, fought infections, and was in the worse pain I've ever seen her in.
My Mom prayed for death, it was that bad.
She had the surgery in August 2016 and my sister and I were with her for all the struggling. Even going so far as calling up the surgeon and cussing him out for not managing her pain better!
She had to be reopened twice because of infection.
My brother came down, thankfully before she died. My Mom and sister didn't want him wasting his money. They were convinced she would be fine. I scolded my Mom and sister and told them IF he wants to make the trip, you let him!!!
I'm so glad I did that.
It was probably one of the rare times I'd done something right.
I remember the drive to the hospital. We parked and Rod said I was whispering ''I'm at the zoo... I'm at the zoo....'' I sort of remember that. I don't think I could have walked forward otherwise.
I wasn't prepared for my Mom to be gone yet. She was 75 and looked like she was in her 50s. We tend to look a little young in my family....we age well I guess. My Mom was funny and smart and I love her so much.
I feel like I was a lousy daughter. I thought I had time to improve.
I hate that I never improve until it's too late. :'(
