Upset
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Family shit

My mom keeps telling me I have to get along with my step-father, that he has been nothing but nice to me, that he would do anything for me, that he had always wanted to have a son but had 2 girls instead...
I have tried, but I can't get along with him if eveytime I try he blows it up. A few months ago mommy asked me to leave my door(my room door) open more often. I usually keep the door closed because I don't want them to see me playing videogames whenever they walk by my room, but mommy kept asking so I accepted, and just as predicted they saw me playing a lot, and I KNEW that was gonna be a problem. She has also been asking me to spend more time with them(her, my stepdad and my brother). So one day, I decided to sit a the kitchen table and eat with them, which I normally wouldn't do because I don't want any trouble, and being next to them will cause trouble. That day I went to the kitchen, mommy made chicken and potatoes, I wanted to have the chicken with rice and not potatoes so I asked if I could make some, and she said "Do what ever you want". While the rice boiling, I could have left, it's what I would normally do, just to avoid them, but since mommy had been asking me to spend more time with them I stayed at the kitchen table with them while they ate. I wasn't eating, and I wasn't interested in their conversation, so I took my phone and went to YouTube, half a minute later my heard mommy calling me, I looked up and she said my stepdad was trying to say something to me, I looked at him and he said "Don't you spend enough time with your phone in your room that you have to be with it out here too?" I was gonna say "Oh I'm just watching a video" but even before I could finish that sentence he went and said "I DON'T LIKE IT! I DON'T LIKE IT! IT'S TOO LOUD AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE SAYING" ...I said ok, and put my phone down, mommy was there and said nothing, the only reason he said that was because he had seen me playing in my room with my phone and PC. He hates everything that has anything to do with technology, the only time he touched a computer was to watch football online and a few days later I found out he searched for "How to make beer at home"... And that's funny because tho sometimes we may not have a a thing or 2 at room, we always have beer and wine.
A month ago, the owl thing happened again, mommy saying "You have to get along with him, say hi to him more often, it won't kill you" so for the next couple of weeks I tried and tried. One day I gat back from school, he was there, in the kitchen, sitting down with his phone, I was wondering "Should I say hi to him? Did he even notice me come in?" So I stood there for like 10s waiting for him to look at me or say something, until finally I said "Hi" then he goes "Hey" all this without taking his head out of his phone for a sec, if I had done that I would have been the bad guy. Yesterday my brother came into my room and asked if I would stay with him because he was alone in the living room, I usually don't leave my room, again not because I don't want to, but because I don't wanna run into mommy and my step father, because I don't want any trouble, but I know if my brother is asking me to stay with him it's because he's alone, and everyone has been on me about how I should be a better brother to him, so I went to the living room with him. Half an hour later, he said he was hungry and wanted something to eat, so I made something for him to eat. I left the food on a table in the living room for him to eat, but it was still hot so I told him to wait a minute while it cool off. 15min later he started to eat, I had my headphones on so I didn't hear anything, but all of a sudden my brother started crying and left, then I saw my stepdad behind me saying something, I took my headphones to listen and I heard him saying "WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM HIS FOOD TO EAT ON THE FLOOR LIKE THAT, HE IS NOT A PIG TO BE EATING TO THE FLOOR" First of all I left the food on the table, and second, the reason he was eating on the floor was because before he started eating he was playing on the floor, and I guess he didn't want to stop playing so he took the food from the table and went to the floor. But again, before I could say anything, he kept ranting saying stuff like "HE SHOULD BE EATING AT THE TABLE, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS??". I don't know what he said to my brother before any of this but he was still crying, so I just packed my stuff and went back to my room, I know them better than they think, I do what I do for a reason.
I am the bad guy in this story, even my older sister thinks so, because when she came to viste us for 4 days he was an angel, he cooked for her, he laughed, the owl house had to be cleaned, which most of the time is already clean, but it had to be extra cleaned because she was coming to visit, she was only here for 4 days, and of course she liked him, hell I also liked him for the first 2 weeks I knew him. And my sister is 10x worst than me in everyway. Like I even remember the first time she saw them together, she came over to me in tears saying she just saw mommy WITH A MAN and I was like "and? She is a grown woman and can do what she wants, or do you expect her to be alone for the rest of her life" and my sister said "She has a responsibility (my little brother) she should be home taking care of him". But hey, my sister left because she couldn't stand mommy, and a few days later he moved in, coincidence? Nop, the only reason he hadn't moved in sooner was because they knew my sister would have lost her shit, and that I would have had no problem with it. But now she is the angel because she is already calling him "Daddy" and I am the only one left not to not to do so. So I am just tired, I feel like I am being pulled to 2 different directions by my stepdad and mommy and have no say or what so ever, all I want is for mommy to stop asking me to get along with him, I am not disrespectful to him, I don't insult him, we just don't talk, but that not enough for mommy, she wants us to *BOND* but forget it, that's never gonna happen.
Adstar · 56-60, M
If i was in your situation i would find a time when your mom was alone and i would sit down with her and tell her that you cannot Bond with this man.. But that you can respect him and live a peaceful life with him without being close..

Tell her that trying to force two incomparable people to Bond can only lead to conflict and that the best outcome is a peaceful co-existence in the household between you and him.. That you are mature enough to remain cool and controlled around him but that your and his personalities are incomparable to become bonded as she would like..
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
@Adstar This! He’s not a little kid, he doesn’t need a daddy. Let an adult relationship form naturally.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
Ok, there's being sociable and there's being anti-social.

At 22 (god knows why you're still living at home anyway !) it's not unreasonable to want a little privacy by closing your bedroom door.

But deliberately isolating yourself from everybody is being anti-social.
It's deliberately avoiding your family unit without logical reason.

Yes our families drive us nuts !
Yes our Mothers always want some sort of idyllic 'Brady bunch' family !
Yes step-parents are always 'new' and not necessarily wanted, but that doesn't make them 'bad guys' to be avoided at all cost.

He might not be your choice, but he is your Mothers ! And you have to respect that !

At your age, try and connect with stepdad using 'guy talk' !
Sports; music; cars; movies that kind of thing.
Kinda lame but it does give you 'safe' areas for conversation since there are no right or wrong choices on which to be 'judged' !

Take him out for a beer ! That's normal adult behaviour right ?

I mean at least this way it's clear you're making an effort.

Either that or move out and leave them to it.
jrcervin · 26-30, M
@Picklebobble2 Ok there's so many things wrong there I can't begin to explain...
First I have been studying all my life, I am from Nigeria and moved to Spain, and had to be taken back 2 year at school because of te language, and I had to also repeat another 2 years, I just finished my studies and I am now looking for a job, and finding a job here is not a easy as it is in the US. Here on will hire you if u have no experience, I know some kids starts working at age 16-18 at the mall or supermarket in the US but not here, not because we don't want to just because they are a lot more requirements for those jobs here and people are more racist here, so yes, I am 22 and still with my parents but there's nothing I would love more than to get a job and move out, trust me. Second Did you read anything I said, there's a reason I am always in my room, there's a reason my door is always closed, I HAVE tried to open up, and all this happened. READ what I wrote, I do respect him, I do answer him when he talks to me but that doesn't mean we are gonna, and I don't give fuck he is dating mommy, he is here for her, not me!
I am not into sports, never have and I don't think I will ever be, I don't like cars and I don't think does eather. We don't like the same music or movies, I am really into movies but he falls asleep half an hour into any movie and I don't drink, at all.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
@jrcervin [b]None of this stuff you mentioned in your post ![/b]
How is anyone supposed to help you if you leave out important details like being in a foreign country ?
Or the idea that mum's partner might be FOREIGN !

THESE are BIG issues you neglected to mention !

But the advice is largely the same !
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Mom might need a hobby is all.
wildbill83 · 36-40, M
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
😆, I mean he’s too old to be mommied in that way. I’d worry about civility, not bonding at this stage.@wildbill83

 
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