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I Am Easily Amused

[b]These are things people actually said in court according to official transcripts. I swear, under oath, that I am not making any of this up. [/b]


**********


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


**********


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.


**********


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?


**********


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?


**********


ATTORNEY: How was your marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.


**********


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.


**********


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


**********


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


**********


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.


VioletRayne · 31-35, F
[c=#4C0073]When I was earning my paralegal associates, I had to go through court transcripts and summaries to familiarize myself with the content. I honestly couldn’t believe some of the things people said in court under oath....... In the lawyers’ defense, they’re usually running on Adrenalin and Caffeine. [/c]
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@VioletRayne What?? Hahaha. That's really bad. Poor guy probably needed a long vacation--a real vacation where he did nothing work-related for several months.
VioletRayne · 31-35, F
@Rutterman [c=#4C0073]Yeah, I sent him home. I threatened to call a psychiatrist if he didn’t go get some rest. Then I quit and started counseling🤣 [/c]
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@VioletRayne Lol. Fun times. 😅
SweetMae · 70-79, F
Very funny post! Sometimes you wonder if they hear the words that are coming out of their mouths!! 🤣
Fernie · F
@SweetMae It's completely valid when Judy yells "YOU'RE A MORON!"
SweetMae · 70-79, F
@Fernie 🤣 I agree with her most of the time too!
Fernie · F
ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F
Wow. Glad my husband is actually an intelligent attorney. ;)
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@ChampagneOnIce Yeah, who knows? We all have "senior moments" regardless of our age. Thank goodness they typically aren't quite so public or recorded in official documents.
ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F
@Rutterman Yeah. I'm eternally grateful for the fact that I did most of my stupid stuff before camera phones and the internet. ;)
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@ChampagneOnIce Hahaha. Same. 😅
Indy74 · 46-50, F
Lmao!!! How stupid can you be!!!😂
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User 😂 😅 😆 🤣 Indeed they will.
SW-User
@Rutterman 😂
Indy74 · 46-50, F
@Rutterman I totally agree! You see it on here and in real life as you've shown us.🙂
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Rutterman · 46-50, M
@seeandhear Neither do I. Lol.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@seeandhear Thank you, sir. 🙂
SW-User
😂😂 I love that last one especially.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User That last one was really good.
I swear, under oath, that you've a great sense of humor! 🤣🤭👏
@Rutterman So much hardwork for heart work...😅😏 But my day just got better.....thank you! Keep 'em coming, Danny....😇💞
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Vivaci Hahaha! Will do. 😘 😝
@Rutterman Heehee!! 😜 I know I can count on you, darling! 😘🥰
Looking forward to the next one!!! 😎
tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F
Omg so funny.👋
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@tallpowerhouseblonde Glad you enjoyed these. 😄
tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F
@Rutterman It's even funnier because they were all said IRL.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@tallpowerhouseblonde Yes, I agree.
Lmbo!!

One of the funniest posts ever.... it's 6:30 am in here and I'm laughing out loud in bed... 🤗🤗 Thanknyou for thelaugh...
Your posts are unique.... thank you for sharing them... @Rutterman
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Soossie Thank you. I make an effort to come up with stuff that isn't a replica of things posted by others.
@Rutterman unique, indeed...
Peaches · F
Hahahaha! 😅 Love it, I used to have some of these in an old email years ago. Sure would be interesting to be a court reporter!😯😉
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Peaches Yes, but I think I'd have trouble keeping a straight face if I were transcribing these exchanges. 😄

Glad you enjoyed these, Pam. 🙂
Peaches · F
@Rutterman Oh! 😳😁I'd have a hard time not laughing too!
SW-User
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User 😆
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@HoraceGreenley 😂 🤣
faith2hope4love · 56-60, F
Wow, very funny faux pas!!😂
Thank you for sharing!!😊
faith2hope4love · 56-60, F
Always love your posts!!💖🙂@Rutterman
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@faith2hope4love I'm pleased that you do. Always appreciate your comments on them. 🤗
faith2hope4love · 56-60, F
Awww, thank you!!🤗@Rutterman
😂 he forgot to drink coffee
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SStarfish Haha. Either that or he left his brain at home.
On a table in a jar 😂
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SStarfish 😅 😂 🤣 Very good! 👍️
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Pretty funny, thanks for the chuckle! 🙂
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Keepitsimple You're welcome. Glad you enjoyed these.
ArtieKat · M
I'm wetting myself with laughter :-)
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@ArtieKat I nearly did the same thing when I came across these. 😅
sarabee1995 · 26-30, F
Omg those are so awesome. I know it's because they are standing up there and thinking two or three questions ahead and trying to plan the testimony, but still, mistakes like these are hilarious. :)
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@sarabee1995 Yes, I'm sure it's something like that. We all make dumb mistakes and usually there are good reasons for them that have nothing to do with actually being dumb. But as I told ChampagneOnIce, we're fortunate that our mistakes typically aren't quite as public as these nor are they generally recorded in official documents.
sarabee1995 · 26-30, F
@Rutterman Exactly. :)
Fernie · F
HIGH LARIOUS!!!!
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Fernie Very happy you think so. I find them hilarious too. 😅
SW-User
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User 😄
Rutterman · 46-50, M
Magenta · F
Hahaha. 🤣😄 *rolls around giggling*

Getting tangled in their own manipulations? Lol.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Magenta Lol. Apparently so. 😅
Magenta · F
@Rutterman 😄 Mmhm or not enough sleep.
I've seen these, but they still really crack me up. 🤣
There's a book called "Non Campus Mentis" with excerpts from actual college term papers. You read them and totally understand how such lawyers exist. 😅
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@bijouxbroussard Lol. I'll have to look for that book. This kind of stuff cracks me up too. 😄
SW-User
😂 I wonder what law school he went to
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User Haha. I think it's probably more than one lawyer and they likely went to different law schools, which is really scary. 😱 😅
SW-User
@Rutterman Lmao that's even worse
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User Yes. 😂
BrattyMel · 31-35, F
I believe these. I’ve heard some of the stupidest shit in court.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@BrattyMel Sadly, I don't have a lot of trouble believing these either.
Byron8by7 · M
The last one is the best one. Haha!
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Byron8by7 Agreed. That one is my favorite.
Byron8by7 · M
@Rutterman Indeed.
SW-User
These had me laughing! 😂
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User Very glad you enjoyed these. 🙂
SW-User
@Rutterman I did. Thank you for posting it.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User You're very welcome.
XReaganX · 26-30, F
Hahahahahaha this is great!
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@XReaganX Glad you enjoyed these. 🙂
Carrie123abc · 46-50, F
The last one always cracks me up.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Carrie123abc I especially like that one.
WalterF · 70-79, M
BRILLIANT! thanks for that
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@WalterF You're very welcome. 🙂
Dusty101 · F
Unless the circus was in town! 🎪🤣!
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Dusty101 Lol. Perfect reply to an absurd question. 😅
SW-User
Hilarious!🤣🤣🤣
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SW-User I think so too. 😅
JustNik · 51-55, F
😂😂😂😂 Oh my.
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@JustNik 😅 😆
Noble · 56-60, M
O M G 😂🤣
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Noble Funny stuff, eh? 😄
Rutterman · 46-50, M
Rutterman · 46-50, M
SmartKat · 56-60, F
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@SmartKat 😅
Love4All · 56-60, F
Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Love4All 😅
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Rutterman · 46-50, M
@Stereoguy Haha. They are pretty hilarious.

 
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