I Am Easily Amused

[b]These are things people actually said in court according to official transcripts. I swear, under oath, that I am not making any of this up. [/b]

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

VioletRayne · 31-35, F

[c=#4C0073]When I was earning my paralegal associates, I had to go through court transcripts and summaries to familiarize myself with the content. I honestly couldn’t believe some of the things people said in court under oath....... In the lawyers’ defense, they’re usually running on Adrenalin and Caffeine. [/c]

Rutterman · 46-50, M

@VioletRayne I bet that was very interesting, not to mention entertaining at times. Yes, I'm sure a lot of them are overworked (who isn't these days?) and juggling too many clients, so maybe it's not too surprising that they'd mess-up a bit from time-to-time. I'm sure I would too.

VioletRayne · 31-35, F

@Rutterman [c=#4C0073]Oh yes I still go through westlaw on days I’m bored. Reality is often stranger than fiction.....Yeah, I’ve had a lawyer forget who he was and pass up his own office before screaming about people moving his things🤣[/c]