I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Beautiful. So many truths. We all do things that would make others scratch their heads...but our reasons are valid...if only to us. I stayed as well...for 40 years. Love-less, sex-less, friendship-less, romance-less, companionship-less. Like you, I still cared...not that I loved her, I just cared what happened to the mother of my children...and, egotistically, I also took pride in taking care of my family...even at the risk of total neglect and loss of personal respect and acceptance. Even in the face of the absence of love and sex...passion and friendship. I finally hated myself so much, that I decided, with the encouragement of our adult children, (they love their mother but also hate the way she treated me), to get out. Again, like you, I decided I would be much happier living life alone, because, as you so eloquently put it, "a chance for something better is still a chance". Because she is a manipulator and narcissist, she has vowed to destroy me for having the nerve to leave her...and she is doing everything she can to make good on that threat. I got lucky..."something better" happened. I met, and fell in love with an incredible lady. Not sure where that will go, but at least I finally experienced a soul mate, a true love, an unconditional love, a best friend...something few will ever. I applaud you for your decision to finally get out and get along. Your "something better" will come along too...I wish you the best of luck...and happiness.

Things aren't going to work out but I am okay with that:)
I believe a certain type of intimacy can exist without sex, but both people must want to be intimate in other ways, such as communication and spending time together, positive touch and voice, and sharing common interests. All of those things are equally important and can create a warm loving environment. Some can be okay with that, and many cannot. If I experienced any of that I'd still want the sexual act, but it would at least make me feel more connected and loving towards him. Most people in sexless marriage are entirely rejected, unfortunately.
Thanks for commenting:)

Raven, it took me 25-years to leave. What I will tell you is that for every year you stay, the psychological damage gets worse. You don't realize how damaged you are until you are on your own, and can see things more clearly.

I hope you find a way out of this sooner than later, but I understand how something that appears so simple, to outsiders, is far more complicated when you are in the thick of it.

Raven, I remember shopping for anniversary cards in March. Reading through all the mushy bullshit sentiments wasn't how I felt. I still care, I still love him. We get along. But I don't want to fight about it anymore. My best to you on your anniversary.

I think people just get too comfortable in their marriages and find a way to sail through the rough waters by doing the "motions" ... you seem to get it though

it really is too bad you can't look into the future before you get married too see how it is going too go.

@ravenwind43: OK, I understand, it's not like we're discussing sexless marriages on the Internet :-) Seriously though, your situation (caring for a family member) is not that unusual for people about 40, and it becomes just as relevant an issue as kids, finances, etc.

I wish you luck going through your anniversary ritual. Do you think he's having an affair, or is he just not interested in intimacy?

Hi Carissimi...I remember you from EP and thanks for commenting...and I agree with you:)

Jar, I think sometimes people get to comfortable in their marriages, but this isn't about things getting "stale." I wish it were that really because time and effort could possibly resolve it. This is deeper, and goes back to the beginning. Thanks for commenting.:)

Well written and so very sad 😢

@ravenwind43: what then keeps you in this marriage? Are you independent enough to walk out? What about kids? I'm sorry about your situation. I cannot imagine a life devoid of passion, but I did live it for a few years, but no more :-)

I'm in a similar boat.

North, it's a bit personal to share, but I have the care of an adult family member and cannot at this time disrupt that, so I find alternative means to experiencing happiness until I can.:)

It was at one time GJ...but then you accept and move on (emotionally) and it really feels in most respects, better:)

Northwest, I have discussed it, he never discusses it and could care less. I have been over discussing it for a few years now:)

Have the two of you discussed how you got into this situation? What keeps you in it? Has it always been this way?

Love your conclusion Raven. And you WILL get a better chance

Thanks to all who commented on my blog:)

Ravenwind, it's nice that you remember me. 😊