I Am Trying To Be Normal

I am trying. I am trying to go out and go on dates and be social. I know the risk. The slightest misstep and I will fall back into the void. I am trying not to. I got stood up today. My mind was on fire. I did not react. I wanted to react...to burn...to bleed. I didn't. I'm trying to figure out why people don't want to be around me. Once I do, I will change it. I will morph myself into what is needed to be normal or break down in the process.