I Feel Sad Right Now

Honestly, it's not just this site that's making me feel this way. It's the whole direction that our species is moving in - away from meaning and authenticity, and toward twitter-esque one liners and mindless, face-value wisdom. I just don't have it in me to walk that path, no matter how lonely and alienated it makes me. Depth and meaning is what I look for - it's who I am. And I hate that I constantly feel like a leper for wanting to talk about things that actually matter.

@BlueDiver: please believe me your are not alone...

I know that I'm not alone - the problem isn't that I'm alone. The problem is that I'm in such a tiny minority that I feel like a freak for believing that depth and real thought is more important than shallow one liners and humor, and that it takes friggin forever to find even one story that's worth anything.

@BlueDiver: well umm I feel there are some people on here like that but umm are you more needing it for real life? Or just here?

You're right, there are some people on here that are like that. I have it, both irl and on here. I'm not talking about the time I spend with irl friends or the times I talk with depth and detail to the person who I'm close to on here. I'm talking about all of the other times - browsing stories on here, dealing with the other 99.9% of people at work and in other irl contexts. I guess, if I really examine my feelings and where they're coming from, what I'm really sad and frustrated about is society and the world. The whole human race, and the direction we're going. The shift on EP/SW is just a small manifestation of a larger problem, and I feel like most people don't even realize that the problem exists.

@BlueDiver: sometimes it's perspective... it's a slow and challenging process. Keep faith honestly... the percentage you talk about are asleep they follow because it's easier than to lead a life that's of more depth. And I don't blame them they actually seem happier than I do because they are blind to what's going on around them you know ignorance is Bliss.

Imagine how much easier life would be if you couldn't see what you do. You'd go to your piece of crap job and accept the crap they do and the insignificant 'perks'
You'd find an ignorant partner and have ignorant children and grandchildren and as the saying goes life goes on...
You just gotta find a way to rise above it...

I actually have a lot to say in response to that, but I'm tired as hell and need to sleep before diving into that sort of thing.

@BlueDiver: sleep well

I won't (insomnia), but thanks for the kind thought anyway :)

There's a great deal of wisdom in what you said - I think that you're 100% right that most people are asleep in terms of recognizing the deeper truths of the world, and that that blindness seems to be a much happier place to live than the place where I live. Building blind spots and avoiding the truths that we don't want to see is one of the deepest aspects of human nature - one that I see again and again in almost everyone.

But for better or for worse, the path of blindness is irrevocably closed to me. And the ironic thing is that when I was tearing my blind spots irrevocably down, I was too blind to recognize what that destruction would mean for my future. It was blindness that allowed me to kill the blindness. And even though I don't like where I am now, I still recognize that it's better than where I would be if I had continued down the path that my demented childhood put me on.

I've been trying to find a way to rise above it for a long time now. Hell, one of my account names on another site contained (but was not limited to) the words "rise above." But even though I've gained some wisdom over time, I still feel like I'm down in the dirt, licking my wounds.