I Dont Believe In Dating Just For the Sake of Dating

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I Dont Believe In Dating Just For the Sake of Dating

[c=#7700B2]feminists will hate me for this but I wish relationships were kinda like the old days.. you get married, have a faithful hard working husband who provides while the wife stays at home looking after the kids and cooking and whatever..

lol I say that but I would never allow myself to rely on someone financially like that but its a nice thought.
I love playing with kids and enjoy cooking.. It all seems so much less stressful compared to these days..

ahh the thought is nice at least[/c]

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GlitzandGlamber · 26-30, F

[c=#BF0080] Agreed! You make a good point. Sometimes I think we are so liberated we are enslaved lol. Women today are expected to do and be everything to everyone and we can only do so much. I also think too often people think that if they are for women they need to be against men and that's not right. Loving women doesn't mean hating men. It's hypocritical and doing the same thing they so hate. Balance is key. I mean I believe in equality, but I just don't feel it always has to look the same for everyone. Like why does staying home and taking care of the house and children make you less equal or valuable then working outside the home? Both are work, both are valuable and both are equally important. I don't see how that makes you less than or some second class citizen. I think it's more of an attitude change needed then anything else. I believe equality means we all have the right to choose what is best for us. If a woman wants to work great, if she wants to stay home, great! I don't see anything wrong with traditional gender roles as long as people respect both and are happy that way. I'd enjoy staying home. I think it's very hard to do both effectively, people can only do so much. I think it's a blessing if a couple can afford to have one of them stay home. Not a curse. It's a lot of work to be a stay at home parent. I am so thankful my Mom stayed home with us. Timeee with kids is so valuable. So anyway, I agree with you and would ideally enjoy it too but would unfortunately be anxious being completely financially dependent on someone else like that. Either way, people should do what is best for them and their families and not judge other people's choices. To each their own! 💁🏻😇[/c]

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JoanieNewHampshire · T

@PrettyPoison: I have tried to speak balanced, act balanced, judge balanced, act balanced. Even often my balanced words will top someone in a disagreeing manner. That's on them not me. To many people think the promotion of one thing is the demise of another. Having grown up during the early feminist movements. I saw "equality" and "choice" the theme. Not equal outcome, equal consideration. Not just these choices, any choice.

Mugin16 · 46-50, M

@PrettyPoison: You wrote: "why does staying home and taking care of the house and children make you less equal or valuable then working outside the home?" Most men I know admire women who stay at home and look after the children and the house. They certainly do not look down on them. In my experience it is more working women who look down on homemakers.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

Times are changing. (Thanks to the feminist movement) it wasn't always that way. And some men are still claim Ning to a patriarc domicile. @Mugin16:

LeopoldBloom · M

I used to work with a woman who said she liked to come to work because it was like going on vacation compared to taking care of her kids. I once met another woman with five kids; I asked her if it was hard taking care of them, and she said no, because the older kids take care of the younger ones. I know another woman who was the oldest of eight kids; she never had children of her own because she said she had already raised a family and had no interest in doing it a second time.

So yeah, the 1950s ideal of the happy housewife at home sounds good, but is also very stressful unless you basically opt out of it. A lot of parents don't find it difficult because they don't put any effort into it. One difference today is that young couples are more isolated while in the past they were in a community with neighbors and relatives helping with the kids. Now a young mother is on her own, by herself, so it's no surprise that the birth rate is falling, at least for more responsible people.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

Lots of good points! Though I'll go back to and old edict. "You get out what you put in." It's as true today as it ever was. Some people love challenges and doing "what they think is right" and others hate any kind of challenge and doing only "what think think is right. Bottom line! Live your life, don't condemn anyone for living their lives, realize others lives don't threaten yours, stay focused on what you want out of life.@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA:

LeopoldBloom · M

@JoanieNewHampshire: When expectations are unrealistic, people are going to be frustrated and disappointed. If someone has kids thinking that this will fulfill their lives and automatically make them happy, they're in for a brutal awakening.

We always hear about women who regret having abortions, but not from women who regret having children even though this is clearly very common.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

This is so true! I really wish that some how there could be an awakening so people would do things for the right reasons and can build a real, happy, productive and loving lives for themselves and everyone around them. Sadly selfishness gets confused with self love.@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA:

JoanieNewHampshire · T

I don't disagree! And I'm a feminist 😮 Old school feminist. Back when there was a struggle for women to be who and what, they wanted to be. "Choice" was the cause. My interpertation of that is a woman or man should be able to go into any of life choices not because of their sex but, because of their desire. Men could be stay at home and moms could be career women. I think each doing both when there are kids removes something from the experience. And I know it's hard today to have one parent at home. But I think if you placed some traditions back into the family. Like getting your education and desiding what you want in your life before meeting the person of your dreams and finding yourself with children to deal with is a much better decision. Roles shouldn't be determined by sex, and neither should love. I believe family is important. And a generational family is really important where say the grandparents are their for the kids if both parents are career oriented. These things just make sense to me.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]as always I pretty much agree with you :)[/c]@JoanieNewHampshire:

JoanieNewHampshire · T

@PlumBerries: 😊💞🌸🌺

R5000 · 41-45, M

and i would be happy to do that for a woman if she wanted...

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R5000 · 41-45, M

@Fernie: with vs for... get your grammar straight. Is she doing my job too? Then how is it with? She coming to work with me? She earning with me? Is me earning money not for her? I am doing a job so that the money is with and not for her? Stop being stupid and petty.

Fernie · F

@Redbus500: oh, did I threaten your pathetic manhood? whatever the fek that is...you're all pissed off...which means you are a total knuckledragger. Thanks for revealing that about yourself so I don't have to waste another second on you and your male insecurity...evolve dude!

R5000 · 41-45, M

I cant see your post if you block me Fernie.....

Madelenie · 26-30, F

Everything is good when things are just as pure and simple.

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JoanieNewHampshire · T

@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA: and that different was relatively simpler. Ignorance is bliss. Not bright but simply bliss. What things we know want desire fear have expanded exponentially. Yes different were the things we dealt with. But also simpler. You thought you knew your threat. You thought you knew what you needed. You thought everything was going to be the same and you thought if you followed the right path it would be best. We even thought the path was simple.
I think people don't see the relitivity between simple then and diffecult today.

LeopoldBloom · M

@JoanieNewHampshire: That has more to do with childhood than any fundamental changes in society. Things are simpler when you're a child no matter what era you grow up in. Many people consider the "golden age" to be when they were teenagers - old enough to have fun on their own, but not old enough to have much of an idea of how complicated the world really is.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

Not going to disagree! Each of us interprets our word in the innocence of our childhood. Doesn't make it wrong. In fact I would argue the eyes of a child sees the world as it could be.@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA:

Tjamison · 36-40, M

I want the traditional family like you. But for whatever reason I hate the power dynamic it represents. I want an equal partner, but a big traditional family. Who know right?

JoanieNewHampshire · T

We are confusing what could be a "traditional family" today, with the way it used to be when women had no rights. So my view on the traditional family, should look like a coupling. Regardless of gender or sex and regardless gay straight or poly. Where a consensus of thought and idea come together so that there are family members doing a job to promote the health and welfar of the children and the family. Specifically, because the majority out there are heterosexual it would look like work play and pleasure all being kept in and around the family unit. The spouse with the career orientation, provides financial and what ever other things agreed on, and the nurturing spouse provides the day care and what ever other things agreed on. Equality does not mean making the same money and doing the same amount of work. It means the sharing of all responsibilities as to the needs of the family and the ability of the family members. Money isn't the only power, it's just what we have thought was the power because we cared more about power and money then family.

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SW-User

@JoanieNewHampshire: Without comparative data one side can claim anything.
I doubt if I put up statistics from a feminist website and called that proof it would be take seriously.
And I am not saying it should be.
What has been posted does not show any statistics stating why 80% of the women filed, without that information it is all biased and one-sided.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

I don't disagree. Which is why I go on life experiences rather then polls. I personally don't need a consensus to know what is right or wrong. I think I was taking that statistic at face value and if true was adding that because men and women make up the total. Half are one sided and the other half is the other sided. The thirty percent difference is my acceptence that a greater number of men are abusive then women are abusive. Regardless of the data. Because we don't know what data is left out. Or what data can't be compiled. Or complied with a bias.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

If the numbers were reversed. It would be called masculinisms because men would have been in a disadvantage.

Fernie · F

The problem with that scenario....traditionally, since he provides for you, he is in full control of your life, money,social life, it's slavery...your fantasy. If both people have equal power and agree to the terms...kids would be lucky to have Mom home when they woke up and came home from school. Women should receive a paycheck for bringing up the kids, creating and maintaining a home for the family...a very serious job...7 days a week. Feminists will only get mad at you if you were to give up your power to your partner

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JoanieNewHampshire · T

The dollar value of raising a family is almost bankrupting. The value of a mother's and fathers role (I don't care the sex or gender of either of those roles) is priceless. The roles should be entered into willingly and duly compensated. Not just monetarily but in appreciation of the other by the other. That would be pay enough for my team effort.@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA:

LeopoldBloom · M

@JoanieNewHampshire: I was asking plumberries who pays the women in Australia to raise their own kids.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

I know you were.. @ShoesOfWanderingITMFA:

sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M

well, when your hubby gets out of hand and beats you nearly to death.... and you can't do a thing about it....

think about that.

women just started to acquire what they've been fighting for just last century.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

This is true. At one time in not to distant history. Women were considered property. ( blame the definition of man, when the bill of rights was written) if mankind was the known intent as it is supposed to be this would all be moot.@sighmeupforthat:

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]yeah cause all men beat up women 🙄[/c]

NatalieB · 18-21, F

There's nothing wrong with that as long as he loves and respects you and respects what you do for the family.

Raffie · 61-69, F

The good old days, were indeed, richer. There were more values and cohesiveness. Before the days of social media, time was spent in the company of others, enjoying coffee at each other's homes and conversing about simple things.

LeopoldBloom · M

@Raffie: Social media allows me to spend time with people I know who don't live near me. It's a huge improvement.

Ambroseguy80 · 51-55, M

It is a nice thought. And we have done that for over sixteen year now. Unfortunately, society has done much to prevent this traditional solution from working - unless the husband is Bill Gates - or at least makes over six digits!

SW-User

Well like you said mothers that stay at home full time pretty much give up everything in that regard and truly rely on their husband. Not only do I not blame a woman for not wanting to be in that position but it's also worth mentioning that there are plenty of women that have a lot more earning potential than their husbands do. Nothing wrong with him staying at home to watch the kids either.

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SW-User

@JoanieNewHampshire: I suppose the feeling of sacrifice is all a bit subjective...for some being at home with their children is all they want and have always wanted. For others the life outside of it tends to always be a bit of a nagging want.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

@TotalEclipse: I very very much agree with you here! Not having what your desires in who you are (not talking superficial desires like money or fame etc.) is the angst and burdens of many people's lives. im mtf transgender at in itself is filled with angst. But add to it that I wanted nothing more then to be home with my children. Instead I was expected to play the role and pay the bills.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

@TotalEclipse: we've pushed roles onto children and they've believed they must fulfill them to our expectations. We give them little of their own imaginations and fill them with ideas that they can't be successful unless _____. For some reason we are to affair to let them tell us what they want. And steer them with love and guidence towards thier joys. We bombard them with images that they must conform to or be cast out of social interaction.

MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F

This is my marriage. I have to get permission to spend money but I like my husband being in charge

juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F

@MrsPeterEvans: why?

MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F

@juiceyangel333: it gives security and clarity of roles

juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F

I wish life could be like that sometimes . It's hard being a woman these days

Benny5678 · 41-45, T

Feminists shouldn't hate you for it. Feminism is about choice and if that's your choice that is your choice

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PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]feminists/feminazis hate anyone who don't follow their idiotic views on what women should be doing. I'm talking about feminists these days anyway.

I myself couldn't rely fully on someone financially. I just don't trust someone enough to do that and it would make me anxious all the time.
I have a good job and I'm financially set myself.
I like the thought of what I wrote with this story because it seemed more simple and compared to my work, seems less stressful plus I love kids and so on..

It was only a nice thought I had, would never happen[/c]

Benny5678 · 41-45, T

@PlumBerries: I would love to be a house husband 😂

But, like yourself, giving up your independence is hard

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]staying at home spending precious time with your children, just sounds great to me.
no independence is the sucky part[/c]

Mugin16 · 46-50, M

Nice to read that you think like that. I think overall the women and the men were happier back then. Everybody knew their roles and what he or she had to do.

I hope you find a man whom you can trust so much that this thought will become true for you.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

I lived back then. And parts of what I saw were beautiful. And parts of those things back then were damn ugly. @Mugin16:

sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M

@Mugin16: i love how history is glossed over... people ignoring what really was going on.

Ginaa

It's a jungle out there today!

SW-User

I´m with you but are you a berry?

tynamite · 31-35, M

Feminists abolished the institution of marriage and it was funded by the US government

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tynamite · 31-35, M

@ShoesOfWanderingITMFA: The marriage rate is declining so marriage is not alive and well.

LeopoldBloom · M

@tynamite: How is that "feminists" fault? The marriage rate is affected by various social changes that have nothing to do with individual decisions. You could just as easily blame "traditionalists" for pushing an antiquated view of marriage that doesn't fit with modern society, so people are abandoning it for that reason.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

@tynamite: the only thing feminism did was give more people more choices. And the recognition to women that they don't have to be in a bad marriage. Those lessons are being learned by all, people are understanding that marriage should be a want not a need.

SW-User

It is a choice.
Some women chose to work or they have to for financial reasons.
Neither one is better or worse than the other choice.
It would take a lot of trust, that is for sure.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

Looking at most of the comments from the males here! I can see why there is a rise in female filed divorce papers! 😜

juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F

Lol @JoanieNewHampshire:

5thApprentice · 31-35, M

Just came to see some angry feminist comments lol.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]lol none so far. its been a nice conversation so far. no arguing or anything.. odd I know for this topic lol[/c]

JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F

It is ok that you want this...the thing is ..others do not want this..

If you find someone and this is how things go that is awesome and your perogative!

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]I wasn't assuming others did want it and like I said I myself couldn't do it but I like the thought of it.. these days we are told that it is wrong, and its just crap to be told what is right and wrong on how to live your life because feminists constantly moan about womens rights and not needing men [/c]

JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F

@PlumBerries: Those are not feminists. They are feminazis. There is a difference and I do agree witb you on those points.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]sure we call them feminazis but they refer to themselves as feminists[/c]

mamawhatswrongwithme

I know you dames love the patriarchy deep down inside.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

[c=#7700B2]I wouldn't go as far as to say patriarchy[/c]

mamawhatswrongwithme

Alright, let's call it the "old way". Wink wink. Or the "right way".

bijouxbroussard · F

First world pipe dreams...

JoanieNewHampshire · T

But dreams are @bijouxbroussard:

bijouxbroussard · F

@JoanieNewHampshire: People are still free to have those kinds of marriages in the Western world if both parties choose to and they can afford it (and a few people can). The biggest difference before was that women and men had no choice. My grandmother had a college degree and was a teacher, at a time few white women could claim that, never mind a woman of color. But she was also Creole, and her family was traditional. They told her she "needed" to give up her career and get married, and promptly arranged a marriage to a family friend (my grandfather). And, as they say, that was that.

JoanieNewHampshire · T

Hug! Sad but true! We need to look forward in honor of your grandmother! @bijouxbroussard:

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