I Am Hurting

My best friend came out to me. She's had a girlfriend for over a year, and I will never tell her this because I respect her right to share herself with me when she is ready and not a second before, but it hurts so f***ing much that I missed her love story. We've been physically separated living far apart for years, so I would have missed things regardless, but I feel like I jumped into a movie that is almost over, once everything is resolved and comfortable and ready to live happily ever after. I missed her first date jitters, and the giggles after their first kiss. I missed whatever fights they've had and helping her talk through them. I missed helping organize surprises, and teasing her about how adorably gone she is over this girl of hers. Just watching this huge part of her be happy. I've been waiting for her to really fall for someone for 9 years, and when it finally happened I didn't get to even know.

I'm not mad at her or aiming blame. Her family background is such that coming to terms with who she loved would have been really rough and I'm sure that leaked over to fearing how I would respond. I'm just sort of pissed off at the nature of reality that's led to this.