I Am Frustrated

My husband and I have a sweet little boy who just turned 1. He's amazing! He's my world. But from the beginning, I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy. I sometimes think he prefers daddy over me. It shouldn't bother me because I shouldn't take it personally, but I do sometimes. The times this hurts the worst is when my in laws come over. I'm a very shy and quiet person and it takes me time to open up to people. I'm not even the same person around my own family as I am with my husband. He's my lover and my best friend. Recently his parents were over and I felt our son kept wanting to be held by daddy instead of me. And of all the millions of times he'd been saying mama, when they were here, all he said was dada. They thought it was just so cute. When I chimed in that he says mama too, his mom said, "I'm sure!" I'm sure she meant no harm, but it came across as condescending. It wasn't a good visit. I felt in the background. My husband also has a child with his ex wife, who I met once. He's a sweetheart and has autism. But dealing with his ex wife can be stressful. My husband has been sued and served by her. Everything is such a problem and while she can google Louis Vuitton purses, she can't google the number to an office. She gets a lot of money from my husband per their divorce decree. Next weekend we're driving to another state so he can see his son. It's a monthly thing. But this time, I'm not looking forward to the experience as I once was. Again, I feel in the background. I stay at the hotel for about 3 hours while he spends time with his son. I could go but don't want to. I feel his first family drains our resources and I feel like people think I'm a sucky mom. I am just in the background while people watch how incompetent I am as a mother. I made his son a cake and decorated our apartment when he came to stay with us. I handled our own son when he cried and it in turn made my step son cry. I feel like I'm always handling something and I give and give. I'm not working right now and my husband is military. We're moving soon, but can't move to our ideal place because so much of his check goes towards child support. That makes me feel like a failure. I am overwhelmed and left behind to stand in the background.