I had a good weekend
It was busy for the first time since lockdown. Time spent outside, time seeing friends, things for the tiny human to do.
Everything was positive.
Well. Almost everything. Now that there is a tiny human present, all these things aren't really a rest. Seeing friends means trying to talk with half my brain while making sure he doesn't crawl away or fall out of my lap, making sure he's not hungry or thirsty or too hot in the blazing sun.
So we got home from the day out at 4pm. My wife immediately - and I mean the second we came in the door said "I'm going upstairs to chill out for a while" and she disappeared. I'm fine parenting on my own, that isn't the issue, but we've had the same day. I was up until midnight, she got up in the night and then woke up with him. I took over later in the morning so she could rest. I drove an hour there and back while he slept so she'd had two hours chill out time on her phone in the car.
She reappeared three hours later, and we spent the evening together, she was on her phone for most of it while I suggested things that might need doing for the baby and she heard me... then didn't do them, so I had to.
He finally went to bed and I watched one episode of a TV show then said I was going to go up to bed. I wanted to have some time just to chill on my own, like she'd had during the afternoon. I've not really had that break all weekend. She said she'd join me, then as soon as we got into bed she said she was having anxieties, and we talked for fifty minutes about the things that were on her mind. I tried to reassure her, I told her that she was incredible and the only thing standing in the way of her having a happy, positive life was that she was so negative about herself. But when I suggest that the way to change that is for her to make tiny changes every day, to look at herself and her achievements and be proud of herself, she's not interested.
She thinks there's some big fix, therapy or her parents apologising to her, or having enough money and things to make her feel valid.
So now it's 10pm on Sunday night. I've still not had a rest this weekend. Back to work at 9am tomorrow.
Everything was positive.
Well. Almost everything. Now that there is a tiny human present, all these things aren't really a rest. Seeing friends means trying to talk with half my brain while making sure he doesn't crawl away or fall out of my lap, making sure he's not hungry or thirsty or too hot in the blazing sun.
So we got home from the day out at 4pm. My wife immediately - and I mean the second we came in the door said "I'm going upstairs to chill out for a while" and she disappeared. I'm fine parenting on my own, that isn't the issue, but we've had the same day. I was up until midnight, she got up in the night and then woke up with him. I took over later in the morning so she could rest. I drove an hour there and back while he slept so she'd had two hours chill out time on her phone in the car.
She reappeared three hours later, and we spent the evening together, she was on her phone for most of it while I suggested things that might need doing for the baby and she heard me... then didn't do them, so I had to.
He finally went to bed and I watched one episode of a TV show then said I was going to go up to bed. I wanted to have some time just to chill on my own, like she'd had during the afternoon. I've not really had that break all weekend. She said she'd join me, then as soon as we got into bed she said she was having anxieties, and we talked for fifty minutes about the things that were on her mind. I tried to reassure her, I told her that she was incredible and the only thing standing in the way of her having a happy, positive life was that she was so negative about herself. But when I suggest that the way to change that is for her to make tiny changes every day, to look at herself and her achievements and be proud of herself, she's not interested.
She thinks there's some big fix, therapy or her parents apologising to her, or having enough money and things to make her feel valid.
So now it's 10pm on Sunday night. I've still not had a rest this weekend. Back to work at 9am tomorrow.