I Am Anorexic
Honesty.... Age 11, sitting with your grandparents. And your grandmother comments,
"You're getting big" The words, scarred me . Remind me every single day.
11 years old, 5'4 and 120 ibs. Not perfectly thin, but healthy. I never thought of it personally, until I got into middle school, when I was 13, she commented again.
"Look at you, you must be over 300 ibs" I was shocked, 300?
I looked in the mirror, I was just developing, I had acouple stretch marks on my breasts and that's it. Other wise I was healthy looking. No loose skin, I'm always in sports. I wasn't thin like those Tumblr girls, I had a belly. Of course. But it wasn't bad, I was in size 5 jeans. I was 5'6 and 140 ibs. And she said that, I didn't eat for a week, I played tough and over working in P.E. I made sure I broke a sweat within the first 10 minutes of class, with another 40 to sweat with. Nothing changed, last year, she said the exact same thing, I was absolutely devastated, I went another week without eating.
I was home alone, and ate some pizza, I felt awful something in the back of my head kept yelling,
"Get rid of it, Get Rid Of It, "
I ignored it,
It started again, "GET RID OF IT"
I ran to the bathroom, flung myself over the toilet, shoving my finger as far down the back of my throat as I could. I felt good, I kept it up for a month. I still seen no differences.
I play 4 sports, and never lost any weight. Over the Summer of 2012, I never ate, I was never hungry, all I drank was water and gatorade.
I gained another 20 ibs.
It got to me, and I doubled over with my finger down my throat. Now I count ever calorie that I intake.
Every time I put a peice of food in my mouth. I regret it.
"Get Rid Of It" still echoes in my mind.
I sip water every time I take a bite.
I don't eat in the mornings, I eat during lunch at school.
Then I starve for the night.
I suck on Candycanes and chew gum during school to keep my stomach from growling.
My hair falls out and thins more and more every day.
But I did lose 12 pounds since Oct. So it's working.
I'm going to keep going, until I feel beautiful.
"You're getting big" The words, scarred me . Remind me every single day.
11 years old, 5'4 and 120 ibs. Not perfectly thin, but healthy. I never thought of it personally, until I got into middle school, when I was 13, she commented again.
"Look at you, you must be over 300 ibs" I was shocked, 300?
I looked in the mirror, I was just developing, I had acouple stretch marks on my breasts and that's it. Other wise I was healthy looking. No loose skin, I'm always in sports. I wasn't thin like those Tumblr girls, I had a belly. Of course. But it wasn't bad, I was in size 5 jeans. I was 5'6 and 140 ibs. And she said that, I didn't eat for a week, I played tough and over working in P.E. I made sure I broke a sweat within the first 10 minutes of class, with another 40 to sweat with. Nothing changed, last year, she said the exact same thing, I was absolutely devastated, I went another week without eating.
I was home alone, and ate some pizza, I felt awful something in the back of my head kept yelling,
"Get rid of it, Get Rid Of It, "
I ignored it,
It started again, "GET RID OF IT"
I ran to the bathroom, flung myself over the toilet, shoving my finger as far down the back of my throat as I could. I felt good, I kept it up for a month. I still seen no differences.
I play 4 sports, and never lost any weight. Over the Summer of 2012, I never ate, I was never hungry, all I drank was water and gatorade.
I gained another 20 ibs.
It got to me, and I doubled over with my finger down my throat. Now I count ever calorie that I intake.
Every time I put a peice of food in my mouth. I regret it.
"Get Rid Of It" still echoes in my mind.
I sip water every time I take a bite.
I don't eat in the mornings, I eat during lunch at school.
Then I starve for the night.
I suck on Candycanes and chew gum during school to keep my stomach from growling.
My hair falls out and thins more and more every day.
But I did lose 12 pounds since Oct. So it's working.
I'm going to keep going, until I feel beautiful.
26-30, F