This month was her death anniversary, and it has killed me inside. I've hide it pretty good, because not many care, but I have came to the realization i've lost myself because of it. I've been drinking so much, and pretty much have been self-medicating. I don't know who I am anymore, and the depression is kicking my ass. I have had so many thoughts of suicide, that im scared I might go through with it. I don't have family, or really any friends. This has been such a huge struggle because my mom was my everything, now I have nothing. I really scared of myself. I know people will just tell me to get help, but there's no "help" in this town. Just doctors mocking you, and putting you down. I just don't know what to do anymore.