I Am Posting A Thought For Today
My thoughts:
I have given my all and maybe I am being too sensitive to some things,but at times I just think it's consideration and just caring.
So for years now, I have been a surrogate mother to some kids. Since I am seeing a man with 6 kids. They have all left except a few of the younger ones. I have been in their lives for over 6 years. I make sure to show them love, include them and to always let them know whether they are doing good or I tell them if they are handling things in a wrong way. I never order them. I always tell them how i handled a situation like theirs. I then tell them they need to make their own choices and decisions. After all, I can guide them, but they are not my children.
I am not married to their dad. If anything I have considered breaking up with him. Not because I do not love him but because I do love him and he does not show me that he can love me. He loves me with conditions and that never works.
Yesterday I was texting the oldest son telling him how proud his dad was for what he had been doing around the house. We went back and forth for a while. I try to never lose an opportunity to give them praise. These poor children were abuse by their mother and have had a really tough life. They are amazing kids, but there is always a lack of trust in them which is understandable. A few of the kids have now told me that they consider me as their parent and I do have guardianship over some of them.
On Easter, there was a group text going around from his family. That is normal. My boyfriend said, I am not sure why they do not include you in those messages. He said that seems kind of mean to me. I said to him, I have wondered that myself but it is what it is. They can do what they want.
Today, their father tells me that he decided he was going to text everyone a group text to his family to give his kids praise. He wanted to make sure that everyone knew how proud he was of them. He said he wanted to include everyone that he thought of but he left out two of his oldest because he did not want to hurt their feelings. I do not think that would have happened since they left home years ago. So he said his main thing was to not hurt feelings. So I had to ask him.
Why didn't you include me? He said I wanted it to just be family. I said Oh I see.
I felt a dagger in my heart. This is why I consider breaking up with him. I am considered family when he wants someone to tell them to do chores, or to help him talk to them but in this, I was not to be included and while he was thinking of others' feelings, he forgot about mine. Your might think, but he praised his kids and that is good and yes I agree but their was also a hidden motive in sending the message. I told him if he does thinks to get back at people, the sincere reason for the message loses the authenticity. As the saying goes, "Check your motives."
Maybe I am being over sensitive, when he included everyone in that text.
Our relationship went from over the top passion and me always being in his house to no longer being allowed to go to his house but he still wants to say I am his girlfriend. I have accepted that he is not my boyfriend(in many ways). but I guess at some point I will have to just finish this and walk away. I will miss the kids as I did form relationships with them, but in the end, they can't be my children. The restrictions that he places on me and I am still to continue to give and give are taking a toll on me.
I am worthy of more and this is not more.
I have given my all and maybe I am being too sensitive to some things,but at times I just think it's consideration and just caring.
So for years now, I have been a surrogate mother to some kids. Since I am seeing a man with 6 kids. They have all left except a few of the younger ones. I have been in their lives for over 6 years. I make sure to show them love, include them and to always let them know whether they are doing good or I tell them if they are handling things in a wrong way. I never order them. I always tell them how i handled a situation like theirs. I then tell them they need to make their own choices and decisions. After all, I can guide them, but they are not my children.
I am not married to their dad. If anything I have considered breaking up with him. Not because I do not love him but because I do love him and he does not show me that he can love me. He loves me with conditions and that never works.
Yesterday I was texting the oldest son telling him how proud his dad was for what he had been doing around the house. We went back and forth for a while. I try to never lose an opportunity to give them praise. These poor children were abuse by their mother and have had a really tough life. They are amazing kids, but there is always a lack of trust in them which is understandable. A few of the kids have now told me that they consider me as their parent and I do have guardianship over some of them.
On Easter, there was a group text going around from his family. That is normal. My boyfriend said, I am not sure why they do not include you in those messages. He said that seems kind of mean to me. I said to him, I have wondered that myself but it is what it is. They can do what they want.
Today, their father tells me that he decided he was going to text everyone a group text to his family to give his kids praise. He wanted to make sure that everyone knew how proud he was of them. He said he wanted to include everyone that he thought of but he left out two of his oldest because he did not want to hurt their feelings. I do not think that would have happened since they left home years ago. So he said his main thing was to not hurt feelings. So I had to ask him.
Why didn't you include me? He said I wanted it to just be family. I said Oh I see.
I felt a dagger in my heart. This is why I consider breaking up with him. I am considered family when he wants someone to tell them to do chores, or to help him talk to them but in this, I was not to be included and while he was thinking of others' feelings, he forgot about mine. Your might think, but he praised his kids and that is good and yes I agree but their was also a hidden motive in sending the message. I told him if he does thinks to get back at people, the sincere reason for the message loses the authenticity. As the saying goes, "Check your motives."
Maybe I am being over sensitive, when he included everyone in that text.
Our relationship went from over the top passion and me always being in his house to no longer being allowed to go to his house but he still wants to say I am his girlfriend. I have accepted that he is not my boyfriend(in many ways). but I guess at some point I will have to just finish this and walk away. I will miss the kids as I did form relationships with them, but in the end, they can't be my children. The restrictions that he places on me and I am still to continue to give and give are taking a toll on me.
I am worthy of more and this is not more.
