I Can't Do This Anymore

I don't know how I've gotten to this point. I'm struggling to eat enough. I haven't taken a step out of my house in weeks. I haven't even applied to any jobs in over a month because it feels so hopeless and I'd rather feel guilty for not trying than face constant rejection. Lately I've been occupying myself with shitty videogames and awful shows on netflix because I just can't bear thinking about my responsibilities and my failures. I'm just killing time every waking moment of my life because I can't take it anymore. I just need something to change.

I don't have anyone in my life that I really talk to. I don't feel like I ever got close to my extended family or my friends, and I don't think my nuclear family understands me very well. The only person I feel like I can talk to is my mother, but it's not really talking. The years of me failing to be an adequate communicator seem to have made her ears deaf to my inane ranting. I feel like my family, no, my entire life is wasted on me.

The one good thing about squandering all of my time is that I haven't had to deal with any thoughts of taking my own life or something equally dramatic. I just drift through the days.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I should be doing. I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm just so very tired. If there is some higher power listening, please help me

metalicblack · 46-50, M

Just take it slow, start by going outside get some fresh air you are going to have push yourself since you have no one to help you so set small goals and when they get easy make them harder you are not going to snap out of it over night but you can start making changes that can get you going in the right direction