I Can't Do This Anymore

I don't know how I've gotten to this point. I'm struggling to eat enough. I haven't taken a step out of my house in weeks. I haven't even applied to any jobs in over a month because it feels so hopeless and I'd rather feel guilty for not trying than face constant rejection. Lately I've been occupying myself with shitty videogames and awful shows on netflix because I just can't bear thinking about my responsibilities and my failures. I'm just killing time every waking moment of my life because I can't take it anymore. I just need something to change.

I don't have anyone in my life that I really talk to. I don't feel like I ever got close to my extended family or my friends, and I don't think my nuclear family understands me very well. The only person I feel like I can talk to is my mother, but it's not really talking. The years of me failing to be an adequate communicator seem to have made her ears deaf to my inane ranting. I feel like my family, no, my entire life is wasted on me.

The one good thing about squandering all of my time is that I haven't had to deal with any thoughts of taking my own life or something equally dramatic. I just drift through the days.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I should be doing. I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm just so very tired. If there is some higher power listening, please help me

goagainsttheflow · 26-30, F

If you can't get a job, you can try volunteering. It's a great way to ease yourself back into the outside world and meet new people. It can also be added to your resume, which can raise your chances on being hired

I'm in the same boat as you but I'm getting tired of doing nothing and letting the years pass me by. I need to break this ugly cycle and live! So far I'm volunteering at an animal shelter. I hope to add a few more volunteering services to my resume so that I seem more hireable. If I can at least get a job in retail, I'd be happy.

Good luck to the both of us! :D