I hate hate hate having time off work

Expect for an holiday , but if it’s through anything else it really pisses me off. I set very high standards for myself to achieve , I want to be the top earner , I’m already the best on the pole and the manager said I was spot on with hair and makeup and outfits and hygiene but I really get annoyed when I can’t go in for whatever reason , it’s like so much potential money I could have gotten , I’m best friends with one of the other top earners , I know I’ve only been there for about two months so far but I just want to be the best at everything I do , I get extremely upset when I don’t do well , I find it so hard not to burn myself out trying to live up to my own expectations I set myself , I have such big dreams and ambitions, my parents are poor and I never want to go through that again and I’ve never been successful in anything before so this job means the world to me , most of what I talk to my therapist about is how I’m never enough for myself.