I would like to work but....

I think I am broken. I have always had a horrible working memory which gives me great anxieties but I think I have l have lost the ability to cope and to try and blend in. I was a catalog layout artist but it became database driven and I had a hard time with it. I think my memory is like a learning disability too. I became a licensed cosmetologist but I can’t remember what I’m doing. I don’t know what guard number I just used, I don’t know what I was about to do. I don’t remember what they asked for. I left jobs immediately in tears. I tried floral design classes. I could not remember the name to any flower even if I wrote it down 200 times. I’ve tried to just do cleaning or stocking and I just want to die knowing I have tried so hard to do something better. I’m not knocking those jobs. I wish I enjoyed anything no matter what. I think the difference would be having a friend with me to encourage me and laugh with. I am a good worker, I’ve just been at a loss for like 5 years. I lost my brother, a veteran, 6 years ago and I am a veteran too. This is really hard for me. You can’t have any respect for yourself when you are incapable of doing an honest days work. I just wish I was fast and capable. Someone will usually reach over me and click click for me on the computer because my mind also calculates and moves very slowly. It’s so frustrating. Just let me do it.