Why Must I blow up to be heard?
I'll add a bit of background. I'm the assistant manager of my department. It's more of a title than anything. When the department head is away, I open the department.
Wednesday, I opened as usual. Got the ball rolling with my co-worker finishing tasks as needed, etc. Said co-worker hit the ground running as usual. We finished all our tasks, or so I thought. Because, as usual, Thursday mornings, my department head was in a foul mood. I wish I knew why; when he has Wednesdays off, Thursday is an angry-with-the-world day. As usual, his M.O. is to play cool until mid-morning when we both end up in the back.
This Thursday, after spending most of the morning wondering what was in store for me, I was actually ready to explode. He said, "So, why was this not filled, and this(insert a random item)? What do you do all day?" I started to say, "I should have double-checked those items before leaving for the day." I got as far as "I..." before he cut me off with "No, you didn't fill, etc. Why do you always lie to me?" (Let me interject: usually I stand quietly and take the lecture. Where he gets I always lie is beyond me, as I never usually defend myself." ) I finally said, "When I first took this position. You treated me like a dumb dog you had to beat and ridicule. I stood up and spoke up. That changed the dynamic. You started teaching me, guiding me, and becoming a good mentor. Then the last few months, when you are off on Wednesdays especially, Thursdays become Fight Club. Why?"
He took a breath, then said, "Back to what you do when I'm not here. I had the department head of the other department and her assistant watch you. She said that she pointed out things were not filled, and you told her to *bleep* off!" {Yes! He said, " Bleep off. ") I exploded because this woman stirs up drama, gossip, etc. any chance you give her. She has cost many people their jobs due to her gossip and storytelling. Stalked their Facebook pages, telling what they posted and replied to, but in her own words to make them sound worse. The list goes on.
He's even been a victim of her gossip, and it almost cost his marriage. Now, he has her spying on me.
Then after the blow-up and cool-down. He started acting as if nothing happened. Today, he was restraining himself from being snappy and pissy. All the while, I thought, why did it take me losing my cool and threatening to quit for him to stop being a jerk? My co-worker kept saying, "He's been trying to joke with me and stuff. Just it's so obviously an act." I know he hates the job and feels the pressure from higher up. He wants to take some vacation time. What's holding him back is fear of losing his position. I gave up telling him I do not want his job. What I want is to be a good assistant and help. I cannot do that if he is listening to lies, refusing to see that the work gets done, and he teaches me how to do more than clean up the mess after a disaster.
If you read all this, thanks
Wednesday, I opened as usual. Got the ball rolling with my co-worker finishing tasks as needed, etc. Said co-worker hit the ground running as usual. We finished all our tasks, or so I thought. Because, as usual, Thursday mornings, my department head was in a foul mood. I wish I knew why; when he has Wednesdays off, Thursday is an angry-with-the-world day. As usual, his M.O. is to play cool until mid-morning when we both end up in the back.
This Thursday, after spending most of the morning wondering what was in store for me, I was actually ready to explode. He said, "So, why was this not filled, and this(insert a random item)? What do you do all day?" I started to say, "I should have double-checked those items before leaving for the day." I got as far as "I..." before he cut me off with "No, you didn't fill, etc. Why do you always lie to me?" (Let me interject: usually I stand quietly and take the lecture. Where he gets I always lie is beyond me, as I never usually defend myself." ) I finally said, "When I first took this position. You treated me like a dumb dog you had to beat and ridicule. I stood up and spoke up. That changed the dynamic. You started teaching me, guiding me, and becoming a good mentor. Then the last few months, when you are off on Wednesdays especially, Thursdays become Fight Club. Why?"
He took a breath, then said, "Back to what you do when I'm not here. I had the department head of the other department and her assistant watch you. She said that she pointed out things were not filled, and you told her to *bleep* off!" {Yes! He said, " Bleep off. ") I exploded because this woman stirs up drama, gossip, etc. any chance you give her. She has cost many people their jobs due to her gossip and storytelling. Stalked their Facebook pages, telling what they posted and replied to, but in her own words to make them sound worse. The list goes on.
He's even been a victim of her gossip, and it almost cost his marriage. Now, he has her spying on me.
Then after the blow-up and cool-down. He started acting as if nothing happened. Today, he was restraining himself from being snappy and pissy. All the while, I thought, why did it take me losing my cool and threatening to quit for him to stop being a jerk? My co-worker kept saying, "He's been trying to joke with me and stuff. Just it's so obviously an act." I know he hates the job and feels the pressure from higher up. He wants to take some vacation time. What's holding him back is fear of losing his position. I gave up telling him I do not want his job. What I want is to be a good assistant and help. I cannot do that if he is listening to lies, refusing to see that the work gets done, and he teaches me how to do more than clean up the mess after a disaster.
If you read all this, thanks
51-55, MNew
