I Love Playing Video Games

It is my biggest addiction in life .. lately however I mostly play with people I know... I am tired of raging (few weeks ago I smashed my phone) so I want to play with someone.
I feel every time I play a game (I am a tryharder) I feel that I am not good enough and a letdown and I get so angry with myself for doing that
Mostly cause I also want to play at competitive level too

Sigh... I hate myself for not being good at anything...