How to help a truly insecure friend

How does one really help a truly insecure friend? She honestly thinks she's extremely unattractive. She gets in these moods where she thinks she's not good enough, no guy wants her etc... then gets upset when me and our other friend tries to talk to her about it and explaining to her that if she truly feels that way then she needs to take those things that makes her feel unattractive and work on it, (ex. She thinks she's fat, or doesn't like her hair, etc..) but she just gets upset with us and claims we don't know what it's like and we get hit on all the time (which isn't true at all) and that we'be never experienced this. It just makes me so irritated bc I've been where she is when I was younger but I worked on this things until I started feeling more confident in myself, and it's like I want to help her but at the same time she doesn't even want to help herself...

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Xuan12 · 31-35, M

It's a self-sustaining cycle. Breaking it can be very difficult, and it's going to take a lot of effort on her part, which she may not be ready to accept. I think the best you can do is stay her friend and be ready to support her when she needs it. Baby steps help sometimes.

NigelDoes · 56-60, M

You consistently give excellent advice Xuan. 👍

Xuan12 · 31-35, M

@NigelDoes: When I'm not being a troll anyway. Thank you Nigel.

WizzBitt · 41-45, M

Yeah sorry to say this, but she is one of those worthless ones. She could look like Ms. Universe and still think she looks like a troll. Don't waste your time on her. She is going down, the only question that remains is whether you will be dragged down with her.

I know this sounds harsh as fuck, but I'm speaking from personal experience. I once had a girlfriend that was like that. A total babe. And I loved the bitch, so I didn't leave her. Spent years trying to help and fix her, and wound up losing myself in the process. It was then that I realized that she is consumed by her self hating negativity. Her life is absolutely brimming with it and it affects everyone around her. I didn't need that shit and so I fucked her off and left. Guess what... it's been over a decade and she is doing just fine. Still exactly the same, still making some poor cunt miserable, but very much alive and thriving.

ahndee · 31-35, M

My ex was like that, so I understand where you're coming from. She's definitely depressed, and telling her to change won't really help. She isn't looking for advice. She might not even want help... She just wants to vent out her feelings, and probably wants to feel wanted by someone

tammy

I guess you can ask her definition of unattractiveness. Also perhaps her parents were judgemental.

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