Family expecting you to drop everything and run errands for them

I need some perspective here, what do you guys think? For context, I live with my grandparents.

I love my grandfather, but he has a habit of expecting me to drop everything, regardless of my personal plans, and run favors for him. Immediately. He does not give any notice whatsoever in advance.

These are not urgent tasks!

When I’ve tried to say “no, I can’t do that right now, sorry” or “what about tomorrow? I’m really tired”, he pouts and becomes insistent that I do them regardless.

For example:

1) I came home from work the other day, tired. My grandfather saw me step out of my car and said, “Nadia, I need you to help me with yard work. Can you help me with these branches?” I don’t mind helping!! But immediately, just then, that day? He couldn’t have let me know the day before?

Another example:

2) My long distance boyfriend was visiting a month ago and we were getting ready to go out. I had dressed up, makeup on, heels on my feet.

My grandfather said “Nadia, I need you and Eli to mulch the front yard. Please, my feet hurt.” I’m sorry his feet hurt. But I told him I had somewhere to be and asked if it could be postponed for a little bit. But no, for some reason it was deadly urgent. I ended up changing my clothes, taking off my makeup, and dropping my plans to mulch the yard. 15 bags of mulch to be sorted and raked, by the way.

Eli and I also had the same thing happen again, the next day, where we were told to drop everything and help shovel rocks to decorate the yard. It took 3 hours in hot weather all so that my grandmother could be “impressed” by the yard when she came home and happy with my grandfather

Reject · 31-35, M

Honestly, I think they’re very unreasonable, but that’s always been my experience with older people. I work as a companion in a nursing home and they often need help urgently even if it’s not a serious thing. To them it is. I assume that partly has to do with growing old and losing your autonomy. You need a lot more reassurance because you can’t manage life by yourself anymore. I’m not sure how old your grandparents are, but this is observable in anyone who can’t do things on their own.

Sorceress · 22-25, F

@Reject That’s a good point about autonomy.. there’s a certain urgency that people of an older age could feel, perhaps to prove something to themselves? Or to make good use of their time?

My grandfather is having a terrible time with his feet and I know that standing on them causing him a lot of pain.

But no one is asking him to go as “hard” with his projects as he does. I think he feels like he has something to prove to himself about his age and his capabilities, and unfortunately he wraps me into accomplishing his “projects” with that same urgency as well.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Sorceress Yeah, that could be it for sure! Wanting to prove something. Especially since he’s wanting to do so much extra. It’s tough because they’re often in denial of something that is very hard for people to do. Growing old. The men at my nursing home always want to do more than they can and need your help. The women often need excessive emotional support and need your help. Either way, they both need constant help and it’s always urgent. The best thing is to be understanding of that and if you need to take time for yourself, don’t feel bad. You must be taken care of too if you’re going to take care of others.