What's your favorite and most tried way of making new friends?
How do you make friends anymore? So me and one of only about 2 people I actually am able to speak with anymore and consider friends, had a discussion the other day while in a chat group. We all had a lack of friends and wondered what are ways for adults to make friends other than going to the bar. I tried it and so did they, bars just are not good places to be I feel and can't really meet decent people there who you can hang out with and have a good time. A good time is obviously subjective but the point is, doing things without friends is no fun, and to make friends you need to do things. Do we need to suck it up and just do shit alone until we meet people, or is there something we're missing?
Edit: Thanks everyone for the help and advice. I'll be moving soon and when I do I plan on joining the local fire department or rescue squad as well as finding a group to go hiking with so hopefully those in tandem will help, appreciate it all. I'm off to bed but feel free to continue the discussion to help everyone else. How did you realise that you needed new friends? How do you become that person who always make friends instantly, get jobs instantly?
Thanks this is the most meaningful reddit post I have ever received from you very generous people. I feel a bit more confident just by reading everyone's responses. thanks again. I have to go to school now. 35 y/o M here. I have depression. I have burned a lot of bridges in my life and have had difficulty with being vulnerable to anyone and everyone for fear that they will somehow leave me. I'm in therapy for this now.
3 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. This was the catalyst that finally made say, enough is enough, I need to get my shit sorted out if I'm ever going to have healthy relationships where I feel secure. I saw a doctor, started taking anti-depressants, and started regularly seeing a therapist. I'm reading a lot of self-help books and fixing myself slowly. I have realized one of the biggest reasons why I am depressed is that I am both alone and lonely. I hardly have any friends and it's getting harder and harder to make friends as I get older. When I look back at my life - and recall the times that I actually made some friendships - it was because I was part of something bigger than myself. For example, I went through a pre-med program in college where I took the same classes with people - the classes were really hard but we helped each other - we got to know each other well and developed really good bonds. When I was in that program I had a lot of friends - I still have one good friend left from that program (one of the few friends that I currently have).
Another example is when I joined a intramural sports team and we all became close because we had to work together to win games - we bonded after the games by going to the bar and hung out on the weekends. I've burned a lot of those bridges by not staying in touch - I have also been living in a new city for the past year.
So, I suppose my question is how do I recreate that "bigger than myself" / "common struggle" environment to develop close friends? What hobbies / activities have worked for you? I realize that some activities / hobbies are just not conducive to making friends, like photography, painting, or running. What can I take up in my 30's that will recreate that environment that is SO special to building true bonds / friendships? Any ideas? Thank you.
What are some hobbies / activities / interests that create a "bigger than me" / "common struggle" environment which is conducive to developing true friends in your 30's? What things have worked for you?? How difficult is it to make good friends in Paris?
Hi all, so it’s been about 3 months that I’ve (24f) moved to Paris for my master’s. I haven’t really connected that well with someone to form like a really close bond. What I’m looking for is a few people, or even one person, that I can have fun with, lots of laughter, going out, dancing singing, just a really nice and healthy friendship. Should I be trying harder to initiate conversation first? What else could I do? How approachable or unapprochable are the Parisian people? Something I noticed with people that struggle to make friends/fit in with groups is that they don’t have a strong sense-of-self. In other words they don’t know who they are and don’t have a strong identity. We tend to be naturally attracted to people who have things in common with us, but if you don’t have a solid identity, people won’t know what type of person you are and won’t want to be friends with you. They may assume you are boring.
Every friendship/friend group has something in common that they bond over. They may share common interests such as sports, anime, reading etc. Or have activities they do together such as skateboarding, gaming, partying, etc. Any interests including the ones above are GOOD to have because people with similar interests will want to be friends. The people who don’t know who they are usually don’t have any hobbies or interests and spend most of their time at home doing nothing. This causes them to struggle to make friends. Having the same hobbies/interests/values etc gives you a common ground and makes it easier to form friendships. It gives people something to talk to you about and bond over. And at the very least, if you don’t have things in common with them, they will still respect you and find you more interesting for having hobbies interests etc. So what’s the secret? Try new things, find hobbies, interests etc that you like, be sure of your values and put yourself out there! It just comes down to having a strong sense of who you are and being open about it. Friends will be drawn to you for that.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the help and advice. I'll be moving soon and when I do I plan on joining the local fire department or rescue squad as well as finding a group to go hiking with so hopefully those in tandem will help, appreciate it all. I'm off to bed but feel free to continue the discussion to help everyone else. How did you realise that you needed new friends? How do you become that person who always make friends instantly, get jobs instantly?
Thanks this is the most meaningful reddit post I have ever received from you very generous people. I feel a bit more confident just by reading everyone's responses. thanks again. I have to go to school now. 35 y/o M here. I have depression. I have burned a lot of bridges in my life and have had difficulty with being vulnerable to anyone and everyone for fear that they will somehow leave me. I'm in therapy for this now.
3 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. This was the catalyst that finally made say, enough is enough, I need to get my shit sorted out if I'm ever going to have healthy relationships where I feel secure. I saw a doctor, started taking anti-depressants, and started regularly seeing a therapist. I'm reading a lot of self-help books and fixing myself slowly. I have realized one of the biggest reasons why I am depressed is that I am both alone and lonely. I hardly have any friends and it's getting harder and harder to make friends as I get older. When I look back at my life - and recall the times that I actually made some friendships - it was because I was part of something bigger than myself. For example, I went through a pre-med program in college where I took the same classes with people - the classes were really hard but we helped each other - we got to know each other well and developed really good bonds. When I was in that program I had a lot of friends - I still have one good friend left from that program (one of the few friends that I currently have).
Another example is when I joined a intramural sports team and we all became close because we had to work together to win games - we bonded after the games by going to the bar and hung out on the weekends. I've burned a lot of those bridges by not staying in touch - I have also been living in a new city for the past year.
So, I suppose my question is how do I recreate that "bigger than myself" / "common struggle" environment to develop close friends? What hobbies / activities have worked for you? I realize that some activities / hobbies are just not conducive to making friends, like photography, painting, or running. What can I take up in my 30's that will recreate that environment that is SO special to building true bonds / friendships? Any ideas? Thank you.
What are some hobbies / activities / interests that create a "bigger than me" / "common struggle" environment which is conducive to developing true friends in your 30's? What things have worked for you?? How difficult is it to make good friends in Paris?
Hi all, so it’s been about 3 months that I’ve (24f) moved to Paris for my master’s. I haven’t really connected that well with someone to form like a really close bond. What I’m looking for is a few people, or even one person, that I can have fun with, lots of laughter, going out, dancing singing, just a really nice and healthy friendship. Should I be trying harder to initiate conversation first? What else could I do? How approachable or unapprochable are the Parisian people? Something I noticed with people that struggle to make friends/fit in with groups is that they don’t have a strong sense-of-self. In other words they don’t know who they are and don’t have a strong identity. We tend to be naturally attracted to people who have things in common with us, but if you don’t have a solid identity, people won’t know what type of person you are and won’t want to be friends with you. They may assume you are boring.
Every friendship/friend group has something in common that they bond over. They may share common interests such as sports, anime, reading etc. Or have activities they do together such as skateboarding, gaming, partying, etc. Any interests including the ones above are GOOD to have because people with similar interests will want to be friends. The people who don’t know who they are usually don’t have any hobbies or interests and spend most of their time at home doing nothing. This causes them to struggle to make friends. Having the same hobbies/interests/values etc gives you a common ground and makes it easier to form friendships. It gives people something to talk to you about and bond over. And at the very least, if you don’t have things in common with them, they will still respect you and find you more interesting for having hobbies interests etc. So what’s the secret? Try new things, find hobbies, interests etc that you like, be sure of your values and put yourself out there! It just comes down to having a strong sense of who you are and being open about it. Friends will be drawn to you for that.
