How do you get on with people you can't bear the thought of?
How come some people can't bear to be around those who are really nice & compassionate?
I could never understand why some people can't bear to be around those who are really nice & compassionate towards others, I think one of the best treasures in life is being able to have a conversation with a really nice, compassionate person. Being around people who seem “overly” nice makes them incredibly suspicious and puts the on edge. It can even trigger the chemical fight or flight response which makes them seem angry in the face of very genuine nice people because they actually feel threatens by it.
That explains why some people can't bear to be around those who are nice, joyful and loving, I also remember moody, angry people can't bear to be around happy, joyful people growing up.
My heart breaks every time I see somebody call themselves boring. You're looking at it all wrong and that's why you still feel the same way. Please read this and I'll try and prove it to you.
People don't care if you're interesting. They care how you make them feel.
Heres a thought experiment. Picture yourself alone at a fancy cocktail party that you have to attend for work. You would like to talk to people but you aren't sure what to say. At different times during the evening two different people approach you and make conversation. Heres how it goes:
Bob approaches you. You find out he just bought a boat. A 35ft with twin engines. He wrecked his old one racing it off of the coast of Portugal last year and almost died. Hes been doing kettle bell workouts to get his body back in shape and its working great. He thinks the wine they served at the cocktail party is shit and he bets they don't have a single real sommelier in the building. Hes going to do something about that actually, because he knows the guy that owns the place. He leaves his number on a napkin and says lets get coffee before he answers his Bluetooth headset and runs off.
Larry approaches you. He said hes feeling a little shy and he noticed that you were standing there alone. He doesn't care for big parties full of strangers. He asks if you like Dr Who. You arent really but you say you have heard of it and there is an awkward pause. He asks you what you do for fun and you say you love doing archery and renaissance fairs. Hes never done anything like that but hes interested to know more. Do they do those around here? What time of year? Do you have to dress up or can you just go? When's the next one? Larry says if you ever need someome to go with you that hes down and he asks if he can add you on Facebook.
Ok. Who are you going to call? Bob or Larry? Was it more important that they were interesting or was it more important that they were interested in you. You don't have to relate to everything. Fight that urge. Just be interested. If you make somebody else feel interesting, they will think the world of you.
I have cool hobbies. I make knives and tools in my metal shop. I like to take hallucinogens and go to music festivals. I don't talk about them, people dont give a shit and that doesnt hurt my feelings. Nobody is ever going to get a warm and fuzzy feeling from you because you have cool hobby
Most people are shy when it comes to making friends. Some people do walk around just bored and disinterested in others. Learn to recognize them and pay them no energy. Take some time to appreciate yourself. Stop calling yourself boring. You arent a fucking jester here to entertain people. Youre an entire human being with just as much validity as anybody else. Love yourself for who you are, and help other people feel good about themselves and you will never feel lonely again.
I could never understand why some people can't bear to be around those who are really nice & compassionate towards others, I think one of the best treasures in life is being able to have a conversation with a really nice, compassionate person. Being around people who seem “overly” nice makes them incredibly suspicious and puts the on edge. It can even trigger the chemical fight or flight response which makes them seem angry in the face of very genuine nice people because they actually feel threatens by it.
That explains why some people can't bear to be around those who are nice, joyful and loving, I also remember moody, angry people can't bear to be around happy, joyful people growing up.
My heart breaks every time I see somebody call themselves boring. You're looking at it all wrong and that's why you still feel the same way. Please read this and I'll try and prove it to you.
People don't care if you're interesting. They care how you make them feel.
Heres a thought experiment. Picture yourself alone at a fancy cocktail party that you have to attend for work. You would like to talk to people but you aren't sure what to say. At different times during the evening two different people approach you and make conversation. Heres how it goes:
Bob approaches you. You find out he just bought a boat. A 35ft with twin engines. He wrecked his old one racing it off of the coast of Portugal last year and almost died. Hes been doing kettle bell workouts to get his body back in shape and its working great. He thinks the wine they served at the cocktail party is shit and he bets they don't have a single real sommelier in the building. Hes going to do something about that actually, because he knows the guy that owns the place. He leaves his number on a napkin and says lets get coffee before he answers his Bluetooth headset and runs off.
Larry approaches you. He said hes feeling a little shy and he noticed that you were standing there alone. He doesn't care for big parties full of strangers. He asks if you like Dr Who. You arent really but you say you have heard of it and there is an awkward pause. He asks you what you do for fun and you say you love doing archery and renaissance fairs. Hes never done anything like that but hes interested to know more. Do they do those around here? What time of year? Do you have to dress up or can you just go? When's the next one? Larry says if you ever need someome to go with you that hes down and he asks if he can add you on Facebook.
Ok. Who are you going to call? Bob or Larry? Was it more important that they were interesting or was it more important that they were interested in you. You don't have to relate to everything. Fight that urge. Just be interested. If you make somebody else feel interesting, they will think the world of you.
I have cool hobbies. I make knives and tools in my metal shop. I like to take hallucinogens and go to music festivals. I don't talk about them, people dont give a shit and that doesnt hurt my feelings. Nobody is ever going to get a warm and fuzzy feeling from you because you have cool hobby
Most people are shy when it comes to making friends. Some people do walk around just bored and disinterested in others. Learn to recognize them and pay them no energy. Take some time to appreciate yourself. Stop calling yourself boring. You arent a fucking jester here to entertain people. Youre an entire human being with just as much validity as anybody else. Love yourself for who you are, and help other people feel good about themselves and you will never feel lonely again.
