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Have you ever let a girl get away because you weren't ready for love and wasn't ready to commit to a relationship, and regretted it too late?

When I was still with my crazy ex I met someone beautiful, wonderful and crazy about me. We'd talk, text, flirt and be right on the edge of cheating. I was crazy about her and she told me she'd be there if I left the crazy bitch. But I never did. I was too broken and stuck in the self destructive pattern of a poisoned relationship. I told her I couldn't go with her and had to stay. I've regretted it ever since. We met at a bar, dated a bit. She fell for me a lot, and I didn't mind it. I liked her a lot, but she fell so fast, so much, and so soon, that I could see her planning a wedding. But I chose not to see it. Except in time it went all terribly wrong. I was dating her, we slept together, then she stayed over. But honestly, the more I discovered, the less I was interested. But we slept together, sometimes she stayed over. Until once, she stayed over, and my ex haunts my in my dreams.
My ex-fiance. God I loved that girl. She was so fun. And now she's in my dreams. I wake up, to see my current girlfriend in my bed. And minutes earlier I was proposing to my then girlfriend. We had a walk, ate ice creams. Candles, shitload of candles. And my girlfriend, unaware of what just happened.
I beat myself up for it. I felt like shit. So I make some space for myself, call a little less, meet her a little less. And it only makes me more sure, that I don't want to be with my current girlfriend. And she's completely unaware, almost praising me for what a catch I am. Happy.
And I don't know how not to break her heart. So I bite my tongue. About the fact, that some other girl haunts my thoughts and dreams. I bite the fuck out of it. And I sleep with her again. My ex comes to my dreams again.
I'm sitting in a hs class, and she enters. God she's beautiful. That's when I first really noticed her. Then we're friends, always with a reason not to be together. 6 years later, our first days as a couple, the way I fell for her, and actually tearing up the first time I told her I loved her. I didn't cry at my mothers funeral, and I teared up as we exchanged those words. I wake up, and again, my girfriend is sleeping on my arm completely unaware. So I go dark. Limited phonecalls, no dates for a week, or more? Calling her is a chore to me. But I called my ex. And we had a friendly 1 hour long talk during which I laughed and laughed, and she did too. So I know, I want to be alone. My ex isn't all that great, but in comparison, I will never love my current gf even half as much. Of course I won't tell her that. I want to be alone. I have to clear my head. And I do. But if I was madly into her, it would happen right then and there. Because what I first discovered, I'm not that into her. All the other stuff came later. Sure. About 8-9 years ago. It was one of my friends from high school's gf's sister. I met her when she was 16. I was 22. I helped her with some computer issues at my friend's request. She told her sister I was awesome because I didn't treat her like a little kid. I spoke to her the same way I did anyone else. We crossed paths in other places. She worked at the cookie stand in the mall, and I'd chat anytime I had to go to the mall.
When her 18th birthday rolled around she decided to get a tattoo. My friend called me and said I should go up there and sit with everyone, so I did. She was dating some guy at that time. I didn't like him. She wasn't herself around him. She dressed differently and everything. Around that time her sister started asking when I was going to ask her out now that she was 18. I kept laughing it off, and so did she. UFC was becoming popular around that time and her parents often invited me to come watch PPVs. I don't give a shit about MMA, but I'd go to see her.
Eventually we became pretty good friends. We'd text all the time. I knew her family. We'd go see movies together, and go to 18-up clubs together. I did eventually ask out a couple of times, and she said no both times. She didn't want to wreck things. So, I moved on. We stayed friends, but I'd go on to dating another girl. One night she texted asking if I'd go watch a movie with her. I said my gf probably wouldn't appreciate me going to movies with other girls. We ended up going. I brought my gf and her now BIL came.
All went well, but she called me the next day. She said she hated seeing me with another girl. She got jealous. Said she didn't realize what she had. Incidently, I got dumped that night. I told her and we had a date the following night. We'd start dating soon after. She was 22, I was 26 at the time.
It was easy. We knew each other. We knew each other's families already. They'd all joke that despite all the pushing since she was 18, we had to find our own way. Then I messed up one night, Knowing that I felt awful I still went to watch a PPV with her family. She thought I was mad at her, and it made the whole night awkward. I went home and slept it off. The next day she called me. She asked if we needed time apart. In that moment some stupid grass is greener scenario got in my head. I could go drink with all my friends and be a man-whore again. So, we broke up.
I was fine for like 4 months. I partied with friends, whored around again. Then one day I woke up and missed her terribly. Problem was I didn't even know where to begin fixing it. I'd never had to apologize before. I didn't know how to admit I was wrong. What followed was a month of me getting wildly drunk and trying to figure it out. I wrote out long e-mails that I never sent and everything.
Then while drunkenly facebook stalking her one night, she was in a relationship. That was it. I missed whatever window I might have had. I started drinking more and more to cope. Friends all started getting married and disappearing. I was broken, drunk, and alone. And it was my fault. I wasn't the same person after that. I didn't learn anything from it. I got in shape. Became a pretty mean person to everyone. Developed a drinking problem. And here I am now. Still mean. Still alone. I've dated several times since. No one ever compared. I live in solitude, and I embrace it. She'd go on to marry the guy and have a kid. If there was a machine where you could view me 9 years ago, I really was nothing like I am now. I'm trying to get back there. It's hard. I quit drinking, and I'm told I'm happier and my eyes are brighter. Physically I'm better. But, inside I haven't changed much yet. Still mean, and still angry. But, I hope it changes. I've had more than one relationship end because I wasn't ready, and I guess I've had periods of time where I wondered where I'd be now if things had gone differently. But I've never really fallen into the whole regret thing. It's just more productive to admit to yourself how/why things got broken and try to learn from that. Looking back over my life, there's nothing that I would do differently if I had the chance to do it over again, relationships included.
Yeah, I have done that. I broke up with this girl Erin, because I wasn't ready to be with her, because of my ex-fiancée Hilary. I was still too in love with her. So, I broke up with Erin to try and get back with Hilary. Well, I do realise I did the right thing with Erin. At the same time, I regret it to this day. I know Erin was the right one for me. She was willing to do a lot to be with me. I was just too blind to see it at the time. Now, I don't have my ex-fiancée, nor do I have Erin. I will never have a chance with Erin, again, as she already has two children with the guy she got with after me. They are also married. I do miss Erin. I still love her, but I know deep inside that I'm happy for her and I wish her the best of luck. I do regret it, but at the same time, I can't regret it. It just taught me a lesson not to try and move on with someone else, unless I am really ready, and if I do move on. Don't go back to someone from the pass. They are an ex for a reason. I'm over my ex-fiancée, and it took a good 6-8 years to get over her. I do feel bad about what I did to her on my part, but at the same time. I accept it and try to learn from it. I dream less about her.
I still think about Erin a lot. I do feel my life would be much better if I had stuck with her, but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm glad she is happy and that's all that matters to me. I just learned a lesson and experience with her that I'll never do again.
If I did have a chance with Erin for some impossible miracle. I would try again, but I know it never will as we live in two different states.
I'll never date Hilary again, even if I had the chance. We just were not compatible like I thought. If I saw her, I wouldn't be mean to her or anything.
At the end of it all. I think everything happened for the best. Maybe, I am meant to be with someone else better. I can't read the future, but I'm trying to have faith in it. Just gotta accept things for what they are and learn from it.
Zonuss · 41-45, M
Question too long.
Post too long.

But to answer your question 🤔
I think we all have been in a situation like this at least once in our lifetime. But our decisions make up for it over time.

 
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