The audacity

Sex & Relationships | The Best Masturbation Tips | I Masturbate Regularly, Yet I Never Orgasm. What Am I Doing Wrong?

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~ I masturbate regularly, sometimes with a vibrator. I can find my clitoris, and I have a good time playing "solitaire," yet I never orgasm. What am I doing wrong?

~ Well, before we focus on what you may be doing wrong, let's talk about what you're doing right: Hey, you have an open attitude about masturbation, you're cool with giving yourself permission to have a good time, and you know where the clitoris is (which is more than I can say for a lot of guys). So cut yourself some slack.

~ Actually, unless you're on medication that can dampen your sex drive, such as some antidepressants, your biggest obstacle might be your concern about whether or not you're going to climax. Recent studies have shown that for a woman to orgasm, the parts of her brain associated with anxiety need to shut down. In other words, stress can prevent you from peaking. So, next time you settle into a little game of "solitaire," stop worrying about the big O, and just focus on relaxing and enjoying yourself.

~ Before you get started, have a glass of wine and take a soothing, warm bath. Not only will it help you de-stress, it'll increase circulation and blood flow to your pelvis, which is necessary to orgasm. Also, realize that your climax depends as much on mental arousal as it does on physical stimulation. So, make sure you indulge in lots of sexy fantasies. If you need inspiration, read an erotic story or watch a sexy flick. Take long, deep breaths and let your mind go.

~ The right touching technique is also key. You may not be giving yourself enough time to let your excitement build. Rather than going straight for the vibrator, start slow with manual stimulation, applying light pressure to your clitoris and labia. (Adding a water-based lube will enhance your pleasure.) When you introduce your vibrator, start off on a low setting and use light pressure, letting it graze your vulva and clitoris so the blood flow increases gradually. Then, experiment with different speeds and pressure, to find out what feels best. Signs your arousal is building: rapid breathing, vaginal lubrication, pelvic thrusts, clenching of the fingers or toes, and your genitals feel tingly to the touch.

~ You might also want to take short breaks every so often, especially if you're taking a long time, to avoid clitoral oversensitization, which would make any more stimulation uncomfortable.

~ Bottom line: The more you pressure yourself, the less likely you are to orgasm. So just relax, enjoy the ride, and you're bound to get there.