In what ways have your parents damaged you?
SW-User
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SW-User
In so many ways, but it was always out of complete love. They set high expectations in all aspects of my life and I went out of my way to achieve them. What they forgot though was that sometimes people are going to fail and make mistakes, and rather than being disappointed with them, they need support, comfort and the knowledge that no matter what you'll be proud of them. So what happens when you don't want to disappoint your parents? You stop telling them things, you turn inward and assume life is a pretty lonely place, when failure and mistakes are not an option. You also assume everyone feels the same way, so perfectionism becomes your strategy. Add this onto someone who is also an introvert... well you get the picture. 馃檪
SW-User
I can relate to that a bit. I was my parents' first child, so their expectations were high and their parenting skills were pretty crude. I know they had good intentions, but their execution could've been better. My mom demanded a lot from me and was critical of everything I did. My dad couldn't understand why I didn't succeed at things. I'm pretty sure that's where my social anxiety comes from. In either case, you end up learning it's easier to keep things to yourself.
So I know how alienating that can all be. At least now I'm slowly starting to open myself up to people. Hopefully I'll be able to build solid connections in time and make up for all those years of solitude. What about you? How have you been trying to undo the damage?
So I know how alienating that can all be. At least now I'm slowly starting to open myself up to people. Hopefully I'll be able to build solid connections in time and make up for all those years of solitude. What about you? How have you been trying to undo the damage?
SW-User
@HalfCactus: I do my best to stay positive and optimistic, which is unbelievably hard at times, but overall while that perfectionism instilled in me by my parents has had negatives, it's also what has kept me from settling, or wallowing. I keep pushing myself. There have definitely been days where I wished I could hide for a really long time, and I do some times. But I also know that eventually I'll force myself to get over it and "just keep swimming." So I guess in a weird way I have my parents to thank for my determination. And once in a while you meet some amazing people who make you realize that the world isn't entirely shady. And you?
SW-User
@Luminescence: I guess I have my parents to thank too, although in a more indirect way. The kind of upbringing I had is corrosive for your self-esteem. I spent most of my life thinking that I wasn't good enough. I kinda relegated myself to the shadows and relied on diversions to cope with that reality. Never really applied myself to anything, and life was pointless as a result. I realized that I didn't want to keep living that way, but I couldn't really commit suicide without it being an inconvenience to people. Eventually I settled on changing things, and I've gradually been expanding my comfort zone to make room for self-improvement. I have a long way to go still, but I'm determined to make a life worth living for myself. My inner demons sometimes say I'm still not good enough, but in making connections and proving myself valuable to others, I can keep those voices down.